Who The Hell Am I?

I’ve decided my pen name will be Autumn, because I love the name and its my favourite season of the year. The reason why I’ve decided not to use my real name is because what I’m going to be writing about will be brutually honest reflections of things that happen to me e.g. people I meet, dates I go on etc…

You may be thinking… “so what?” “and??” 

Well I’m quite paranoid and I’d prefer not to be hunted down and murdered by someone I’ve written about! As unrealistic and unlikely to happen as that might sound… I may just be the exception to the rule. (Unfortunately this is how my mind works lol)

Now why have I decided to start a blog?

Confession time. I attempted to start a blog a while back, and being the procrastinator that I am, I chose the worst possible time to do so. I was in the midst of studying for my finals and although I’ve always wanted to start a blog, I used it as a way of avoiding text books and revision notes. I wrote a few posts about what it was like to be single and how my unsuccessful dating life was going.

Guess what guys?? It’s a year later and NOTHING HAS CHANGED!!!!

I’m 26 and I’ve never been in a grown up relationship. My dating life can be described as “a series of unfortunate events…” No potential love interests have been located as yet, and when I say love interests I don’t mean it in a crazy- “I cant wait to fall in love with you after our first date,” but just someone worth dating, who actually wants to date me (that’s an important criteria).

If I’m being honest I’ve never really put myself out there, except signing up to a few mobile dating apps…. I HATE YOU TINDER!! 😥 However, I’m ready now more than ever to go all in and I’ve decided to write about it!

So as you may have figured this is not an advice blog. This is not place where you’ll learn the mysteries of men and how to lock one down, if I knew that my blog would be called Autumn’s Inner Thoughts: what it’s like to be deliriously in love (ahh one day… lol). However, I hope you enjoy reading about my experiences and hope in the very least you might learn what not to do.

As someone once said- “Learn from the mistakes of others, you can’t make them all yourself.”

Stay tuned

Love, Autumn x

 

 

I just got my nipples pierced!!!

12:08

The piercing shop is supposed to open at 12, I arrive at 12:08- the shop is locked, no one is there. There’s a number on the door in case you need to call the owner, so I call and leave a message for her to call me back. I decide to kill time and look for more hair stuff to buy. I’ve already spent £55 in the hair shop buying things I really don’t need. I only went in there for a couple things… I have a problem 🙈

12:30

I head back to the piercing shop and it’s open!! YESSSS!!! 😍 The woman in there, I think her name was Sam, she tells me to take a seat, she’ll be right with me. I’m shitting myself! I’m so nervous, my heart is pounding. I’m looking at the pictures of the different piercings that plaster the walls, some in really weird places like cheeks, fingers, a stud in the middle of your bottom lip. Each to their own, I think.

Suddenly more people enter the shop, 5-6 people and Sam tells me she’ll be right with me. My heart pounds even harder against my chest. My mind is a blur of piercing related thoughts: will this hurt? How much will it hurt? Will I bleed? How much will I bleed? How long will it take to heal? 

12:40

Sam calls me into the back room. She asks for ID- you have to be over 16. I’m 26, so I feel well chuffed that she carded me 😌 #babyface. Sam asks me if she’s done my friend’s piercings and I told her my cousin Sunset recommended her. She tells me a lot of people have been coming in to get their nipples pierced recently. She then double checks that I want both done and when I say yes she asks if I want anaesthetic… Hell yes woman!! She warns me it costs more with anaesthetic. Even if it cost £50 more I’d choose anaesthetic 😂

She tells me to lift up my T-shirt and my bra. Luckily I have nipples that are constantly erect so they’re already standing at attention and ready for her. She uses some metal contraption to hold the nipple in place and begins to spray it heavily with the anaesthetic. She warns me that it might burn a little and the nipple may turn a greyish color. I look down and sure enough my nipple is grey and daaaammmmnnnn it burns!!!! I look away and wince as I feel the pressure of the rod being pushed through. It’s painful, but quick and before I know it she’s screwing on the balls at the end of the rod. She does the other nipple which bleeds. She tells me it’s normal. After doing the last nipple Sam tells me that my nipples are tough and that it’s a good thing I opted for the anaesthetic because otherwise it would’ve hurt way more. More than that??? Shit 😭

She covers the piercings with adhesive dressings and tells me to remove them tomorrow. When she asks if I know what to clean it with I say “Salt and water!” knowing that’s what I’ve used for my other piercings. She says yes and recommends that I use rock salt. I’m supposed to leave the dressing on until tomorrow. Sam recommends regular pain killers if I need them. I pay and thank her, commenting on how quick she was.

12:46

I walk out of the shop, my breasts feel sooo  heavy, they’re throbbing and my chest feels really tight as well. I go to Sainsburys and buy two small jars of rock salt then go to The pharmacy for cocodomol pills and take them immediately (regular pain killers don’t do shit for me). Next I go to Superdrug and buy a couple more adhesive dressings as I plan to clean the area and put them back on when I see Mr X tomorrow. Sorry babe, this area is off limits to you for now. If you touch them and hurt me I may kill you 😇

I walk to the station in such a weird way lol my arms are up in a way that I’m protecting my chest area in case sometime accidentally bumps into me. The whole walk, all I think about is what would happen if I fall over and land on them! I planned to get a wax afterwards, but that was a stupid idea as I won’t be able to lie on my front. I obviously didn’t think this through. 

I’m sooooo happy I got my nipples pierced even if they’re still throbbing now at 17:00. 

The place I went to is called Marmalade Park and it’s located in Stratford Inshop for anyone who’s from London and interested in getting theirs done. She’s really good and it only cost me £35 including anaesthetic.

-Love, Autumn x

The wait is over

Update to my previous post: The Waiting Game

I recieved a reply from Mr X at 6:02 (wow he was up even earlier than usual). His reply was sooooo him. Straight from the mouth of a rational thinker, not clouded by emotion whatsoever, not even a hint of disappointment or any other negative emotion. This is why I like him.

After spending time crafting my message and receiving that, I did feel like my eloquence was wasted on him though.

I did my usual and reread his reply and after a few reads, I wondered if he understood that I meant I was about to start dating… like now, and that I wanted to end things when I dating someone seriously, not during the”getting to know someone” dating stage. So after he texted me again, I made sure to slip in a little clarification.

He always apologises for the little things, it’s cute ☺️

Mr X then said- Good lol yeah I was thinking you needed to start the other day lol

😑😑😑😑

Obviously I wanted to know what he meant. What happened the other day that led to him thinking that? When I asked him he referred to the screenshots of a conversation I had with some asshole, that I uploaded on Instagram. I had uploaded them as a way of showing the kind of guys who seem to be attracted to me- it was a humorous post which my followers seemed to enjoy.

The insta-convo

I basically called this guy out on his bullshit and told him to lose my number and he asked me to go for drinks, which I think was his way of asking me for one last chance m. I agreed but told him if any BS comes out of his mouth I’m leaving. 

I didn’t understand how seeing that conversation made him think I needed to start dating 🤔 He tried to explain himself, but I felt like he was reaching/ grabbing at straws, so I changed the subject and starting talking about the little kitten I came home to today.

A little summary

Mr X knows I’m going to start dating, he’s cool with us continuing what we’re doing until I’m ready to date someone seriously (seriously in my mind means exclusivity) and I’ll still be seeing him on Thursday. I must say I’m pretty happy with how things turned out. I guess it pays to be honest about what you want 😊

-Love, Autumn x

The Waiting Game

I was looking forward to seeing him. I can’t help but feel a little regret. I ask myself why I didn’t send the message after we met up. I know the answer… Because it was the right thing to do. I’ve got plans to go on dates while I’m in London and Mr X has always been honest with me so he deserves the same. I know in the long run this is for the best. What’s that saying about cutting off something in order for the stump to heal… Hmm I really shouldn’t try to use sayings I can’t remember. I hope you get my point though. Time heals all wounds (ahh that’s a better one).

I’m sitting in the airport lounge waiting to board my plane. I’ve already switched my world time to London and like a stalker my eye is on the clock because it’s 4:10 and I know he gets up at 6:15 and by 6:20 he would’ve checked his phone, Facebook, Instagram, whatsapp. I’ve seen him do it on mornings when I’ve been lying in bed next to him. He’s very predictable like that, a creature of habit. In a way it doesn’t leave much room for mystery and spontaneity, but I kind of like that I can track his movements 😂 okay I’m sounding more and more like a stalker.

If I know him, he won’t reply straight away though. He’ll read it, but he won’t reply until later- lunch time or maybe after work. He’ll drag it out, he’s done it before. I don’t blame him this time, it’s only fair that he take some time to think about what he really wants after all I’ve spent a lot of time doing that myself, which is how we ended up here. He will reply though… Whenever that may be. So for now…

It’s time to play the waiting game!

Love, Autumn x

Preparing for the talk with Mr X

Drafting this conversation was like drafting a letter, no- it was like drafting the romance novel I’ve been writing forever… I’ve got the main idea of what I want to say and how I want things to go, but somehow putting the proverbial pen to pen is proving to be a difficult task.

I want to be honest, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or bruise his ego. I don’t want to come off as someone who just wants to go around sleeping around with just anybody, I don’t want to lose him as a friend. Then I thought to myself, as painful as it might be, isn’t it better to lose him and feel that sadness for a little while, then to lose myself and live a sad and unfulfilling life.

This is what I’ve got so far:

Hey, so remember last night when you skilfully brought up the subject of me dating? We kind of made a joke out of it laughed it off and moved on, but I want to make something clear. I know we’re not dating, just sleeping together and hanging out, which is okay, but I want to date now 😊 not you don’t worry you can breathe easily lol. I also want to have more sex! Shocker right?😂 We’re still young after all, and I know I’m unlikely to be able to have sex everyday like I’d like to, but I don’t think that a few times a week or at least once a week, is too much to ask for.  
For the record, I’m not sleeping with anyone other than you, but with dating, opportunities are likely to arise at some point and I don’t want to wait until that time comes and then feel like I need to come to you and have this talk so I’m doing it now. I still want to see you on Thursday, if you still want to meet up. We can keep doing what we’re doing too if you want, but I’ll understand if you don’t want to. As I’ve always said, I just hope we can stay friends 😊

How does it sound?

Help/ Advice is welcomed/ needed

Big sigh…

-Love, Autumn x


The Roster & Nipple Piercings

My cousin Neveah has a way with men. She comes across as very confident and has no qualms about walking up to a guy making a bit of small talk and then asking if he’s single. If she’s rejected she just moves on to the next. In my head I’m  going through a tailspin caught up in feelings of rejection and it feels as if an arrow has been shot into my self esteem. Not her though, she doesn’t get caught up in how one guy might make her feel, because she has a roster.
A roster is a mental list of all the guys you’re talking to (excl. friends). The whole aim of the roster is to spread your time evenly so that when one guy is being a douche or not messaging you back, you’re not spending time over analysing things and staring at your phone, waiting for them, because the other guys in your roster are keeping you busy. I was skeptical about the idea when she first told me, because I’m the- “oh my god is this love?” kind of girl after one date lol slight exaggeration, but I do tend to fall hard and fast and prefer to focus on one guy at a time…. Not that that’s gotten me anywhere. 

Anyways the whole roster idea was always in the back of my head, but with my focus completely on Mr X there was hardly any room for anyone else. But recently, I made a mental change and with Tinderites pouring in and taking up my time, I hadn’t spoken to him in over a week. I’m not gonna lie and pretend I hadn’t checked if he posted on Facebook or Instagram because I had, but it wasn’t as often and I certainly wasn’t dyinggg for him to message me. By the way, just a little note, during that week he had been liking my posts on social media, but not making any effort to message me. This isn’t the first time. It’s almost as if he thinks because he does that it’ll make me remember he’s around and cause me to message him…. Nope sorry, I’m too busy being childish and stubborn to do that, plus I’ve got plenty of entertainment from my Tinderites.

So this brings me to today. When Mr X sends me a message.


I go on to describe my symptoms and what I think it could be (carbon monoxide poisoning) and he goes into rationale mode explaining why it’s unlikely to be that. I wrap up the topic by saying I hope it’s gone by the time I’m in London and this happens…

At this point I’m thinking shit has he seen the blog somehow????

This would’ve been the perfect time to have the sexual exclusivity chat but I chickened out 🙈

 

As you can see, when I was elusive about whether or not I am dating, Mr X changed the subject. He’s very good at that. We started talking about movies and he asked me if I had seen some film. Usually when we get to talking about who’s seen what, it leads to us discussing when we’re going to meet up, but no it seemed he just wanted to know to see if I’d recommend it 😑 I then deliberately recommended a shit film I had just seen, but he saw straight through me 😂

Movie talk led to walking dead to sex scenes in shows to Spartacus to porn to him saying he wants to ride me. All I was thinking was finally!!  But it wasn’t an invitation so I skipped over it and mentioned that I was planning to get my nipples pierced when I’m back in London. Honestly, I expected him to ask me why or say something negative about it (not sure why), but…

Positive response re my oral technique 😏



Then he invites me over properly.

Why am I getting my nipples pierced?

My cousin Sunset’s friend got both hers pierced and said it made her nipples really sensitive, my cousin got one of hers pierced and agreed that it’s more sensitive. My nipples might as well not even be there 😂 I can’t feel shit it’s like they’ve got no nerve endings in them at all (when it comes to sexual stimulation). So many guys spend time on my boobs and I’m just there like… That’s enough now… I can’t feel shit move on! Of course I don’t actually say that, I moan appreciatively and kiss them or feel them up so that part of the foreplay can be over (as you can tell I need to be more vocal about what I like during sex). I’m really hoping that once they’re pierced I’ll be able to feel even the slightest bit turned on by nipple play (fingers crossed). I’m not simply getting them for sexual reasons though, I also think they’d look cool and I just really want them!

Just before I’m getting ready to go to bed I get this message.

🙊 the rare naughty side of Me X has made its way to the surface


Wow! Mention nipple piercings and I get to see this side of him. The last time I saw this side was over 3 months ago (maybe longer) when he sent me a well recieved video of him jerking off 😍 I was starting to wonder if he was even still interested in having sex with me. Seriously! I was gonna bring it up when we spoke and tell him if he’s not interested it’s okay and it explains a lot about our sex life. I like his energy right now, but let’s see if he brings it to the bedroom🤔 Also remember, I said I’m not sleeping in his bed… My stubborn ass is still holding onto that!! 😂

I’m still planning to have the talk and I’ve decided to do it before Thursday. It’s going to have to via text convo then or maybe the phone… I hope it goes well. Wish me luck!

-Love, Autumn x

My Top 3 Tinderites

Haha I’m loving life at the monent well that’s if you ignore the fact that for the past week I’ve been nauseous, weak, fatigued, dizzy and had a few stomach cramps (not compliments of the red bitch). I found out my apartment building has no fire alarms or carbon monoxide alarms so being the hypochondriac that I am, I’m suspecting carbon monoxide poisoning. I’ll go get a blood test when I’m back in London next week, plus I’ll buy a carbon monoxide and Fire alarm for my room.

Okay onto why I’m loving life right now!! Remember when I said tinder was popping… 😏

Mr Compliment has really grown on me and I saw a picture with him in a suit and in that moment Mr compliment died and Silver Fox was born. This guyyyy!!! He’s 43 (can’t remember if I mentioned his age before), he is saying all the right thingss. I’m trying not to get too swept up in his words, but this may be difficult as I recently found out when taking the quiz about my Love Language (thankyou!! L.Rorschach- check out her blog for more info on love language and because it’s awesome: backinstilletosagain). 

I love when a guy makes time for me and we can spend some Quality Time together. I’m not even too fussed on what we’re doing as long as we’re together. Words of Affirmation are my bread and butter! I need that shit, I cravee it. It’s not even just that I like hearing people say nice things about me, to boost my self-esteem. It’s about when someone can be open and honest about who they are and how they feel about me. Even if they’re being a damn liar! 

I’m trying to be positive though lol



The honesty…😍❤️


Silver Fox is an absolute sweetheart 😩 looking forward to meeting him.

The other two main Tinderites are Carebear (because he looks so damn cuddly) and Oxford Chap (not from Oxford but he has that posh look to him)

Carebear has the best banter! I can see myself chilling with him drinking a cider and cuddling with him in bed watching tv and eating ribs! Yup eating ribs in bed. I’m a shameless slob when it comes to eating in bed. Sigh I should be embarrassed but I’m just not. My bed is my safe haven and the one place I can do whatever I want… My sheets are currently covered in cherry stains 😂 The convo with Carebear just flows so naturally, I hope this is the same case in person. He’s on the chubby side and even describes himself like that on his Tinder profile, but I’m no size 4…6…8…10? Lol I’ve got cuuuurvessss 🙈

Oxford chap seems nice, I don’t really feel like I’ve gotten to know him at all which is fine. The convo is mostly him complimenting me which I love 😍 and small talk (not a fan of). He says he’s really excited for me to be back in London and we’ve agreed to meet Thurs or Sun. I’m gonna need specifics as I’ve also told Carebear that we can meet Thursday after work.

As for Silver Fox I’d like to meet him during the day maybe for coffee during his lunch break. A nice short date like the one I had with Mario (who by the way is still talking to me, haven’t decided what to do about him yet. Maybe one more date). I think keeping it short and sweet with silver fox will be good. If I like him I’ll try and plan to see him again before I leave. In fact, if I like all 3 I’ll try to see them each twice in that week. I’m feeling pretty confident about my ability to juggle seeing these 3 guys at the moment, especially with the plans I already have with friends. We’ll see.

I was laughing with my sister and cousins about the number of guys I’ve been speaking to on Tinder, the number of guys who have said- “let me know when you’re back in London so we can meet up” Sorry boyssss I can’t see everyone, you gotta make it to my top 5! Only 2 spaces left. 😂

By the way as I’m typing this, just got a message from Silver Fox saying “couldn’t help it, just looked at your profile picture again… I’m lost.”

Me- lost as in confused?

Silver Fox- no, as in lost in you 

My Heart- *melts*

My Head- Be careful… He seems to good to be true 

All 3 men are compliment machines, I enjoy it, but it’s actually a little exhausting because I’m not sure what to say other than thanks/ you’re so sweet. However, I know I’ll be going to bed with a smile on my face tonight.

-Love, Autumn x

Sexual Exclusivity with Mr X 

I’ve got this tight feeling in my chest and it’s because I feel like I’m in a relationship, but without any of the good stuff. 

Let me explain.

Mr X and I once had a chat that kind of sounded like it was about sexual exclusivity. Now, I’ve never been someone to be sleeping with more than one person at a time, I’ve got nothing against it, in fact these days I find myself drawn to the idea, almost craving sexual freedom, but then I think about him.

I know I don’t owe him anything. We’re not together, we haven’t even declared that what we’re doing is friends with benefits… He once referred to me as his other lover the first being his best Mate (a guy he’s known since he was a kid), I kinda liked the sound of it… Saucyyyy, lecherous. Mr X’s lover 😍

What wasn’t okay, is when he referred to me, in jest, as his girlfriend… I could’ve killed him. I should’ve put on my crazy hat, upped the anti and played wife. 

I was at his house and a contractor came over. Mr X was all apologetic as if he hadn’t already warned me, more than once, that this was happening today. I was fine, the tv was on, I was drinking an ice cold cider he had poured me- no complaints here. The guy came in said hello to me and began talking to Mr X. I overheard him talking about security in the house and he (the contractor) referred to me as Mr X’s missus, saying something like “I don’t think the missus would like that much.” He then asked him if I was the girlfriend or wife. You know my ears had pricked up big time, at this point, even though I was pretending to be fully engrossed in the TV. Somehow the conversation quickly shifted without him having to answer, I think Mr X offered him something to drink- he wanted a coffee.

Mr X went to put the kettle on and I followed him into the kitchen, watching him by the doorway as I sometimes do. He kissed me and said- you’re my girlfriend not my wife. I knew it didn’t mean anything and it was just a role he had cast me in, but being a guy (no offence guys) he didn’t think about how I’d feel. He didn’t think about how the thought of being his girlfriend would make me feel. I still think about it today. That’s one thing about Mr X he’ll sometimes say something without thinking about my feelings. It’s never anything malicious, I just genuinely feel that he has no idea what he’s doing. Next time he does something like that I’ll call him out on it. He needs to start thinking before he opens his damn mouth…

Don’t refer to me as your girlfriend, don’t bring up meeting my family and cooking for them, don’t talk about the future as if we have one, when you’ve made it clear that we don’t. 

You may be wondering why I don’t just walk away… I’ve asked myself that a hundred times. I’ve had this “I can’t” vs “I don’t want to” battle in my head. All I know is he means a lot to me. Who the hell knows why. 

I do know that I need to have this sexual exclusivity conversation with him though. Last time we had the talk his response was that he’s not seeing anybody else- neither was I. I’m not seeing anyone now either… Not in the way I’m seeing him, but I’ve started putting myself out there and going on dates. I haven’t told him yet, I’m hesitant, but I feel like I need to. Maybe I haven’t because that thought of him dating drives me crazy, maybe it’s because I think it’ll be over between us (the friendship as well as the benefits).

I think the reason I’m craving sexual freedom is because I’m feeling the most sexual I’ve ever felt in my life and I’m not being able to express it enough. I’ve always been quite sexually repressed and now it feels like all the sexual thoughts, fantasies, desires that I kept bottled up over the years are bubbling to the surface and need to be released before I explode. I’m simply not getting enough sex from Mr X. I can’t survive on sex once every 2 or 3 months, once a month (at best) and he doesn’t seem willing to provide more. I feel like I’m chasing him for sex sometimes and I hate the way it makes me feel, especially because there are at least two guys I know who have made it crystal clear that they want to have sex with me (and they’re both quite attractive). I just can’t stand it when guys try to pressure me to have sex it’s such a turn off.

I need to talk to him

I always try to plan these things in my head and it usually goes something like this. Do it face to face, at his house, but do it after you’ve already had sex so if he’s upset/ annoyed by what you have to say and no longer wants to have sex, then at least you’ve already done it once… 🙈 It feels kind of shady, for lack of a better word, but that’s the way my mind works. I usually end up just doing it through text though- partly due to me being a wuss the other part due to the fact that I’m working abroad. So I either have to wait forever for the off chance that I’ll get to see him when I’m back home or just get it off my chest and tell him via text.

I’ll be home next week so I think I might be able to hold out until then. I’ll keep you posted.

-Love, Autumn x 

Daaaamnn Tinder is popping!

Tinder has never been this active before. 

Maybe it’s because I kept changing my age range and swiping, that I’ve expanded my tinder pool, but the matches are pouring in. I’m not trying to show off or anything, I’m just genuinely surprised.

A couple guys have said hello and started with some small talk. A couple I’ve deleted after receiving vulgar messages and for some I’ve initiated with my classic “Hey *insert name* 😊” or if I’m feeling lazy a copied and pasted “Hey 😊”

Usually guys simply reply with a Hey how are you or some other more interesting version of that. I like the replies that say i’m beautiful 😌 This one guy replied- “where’s that cheeky smile come from 😜!” I had no idea what to say so just replied “from my face lol” Didn’t hear from him again… Didn’t care either.

Ahh well you win some you lose some.

Anyways so yeah I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed. It’s good in the sense that it’s distracting me from talking to Mr X as I told him he has the silent treatment because he hurt my feelings. He didn’t actually hurt them, he simply accused me of being addicted to sex. I should’ve typed out 1,000,000 rolling eyes emojis and crashed his phone by sending them. Surely you gotta be having a lot of sex to be an addict right? Shoooot, if I was an addict I’d be having sex right now. 

His response to me saying he’s got the silent treatment was:

“That’s okay because I’m going to sleep 😋 night x”

I’ll rip that damn tongue out!  I mean… 😇 

Wait how did I manage to start talking about Mr X? Lol I actually scrolled back up to examine my train of thought.

I think I might hide away from Tinder for at least a day. My phone doesn’t give me notifications that show how many people are sending me messages. I get one or two then open the app and see like 8 and then quickly respond to everyone and close it again. 

The truth is I’m tired of texting and I’m desperate to go out and actually meet guys face to face. Damn this work abroad! Sigh, the money is what’s keeping me going. The start of Summer marks my glorious return to London (have I mentioned I’m from London?). And by return I mean no more 3-4 week long stints away from home. 

I can’t wait!

Until then I will prepare to squeeze as many dates as I can into my week in London during the last week of May. Maybe I’ll have more than one date in a day 🤔 Maybe I’ll end up with none lol We’ll see!

-Love, Autumn x

Soo… I might be into older guys 🤔

By older guys I mean mid 30s to mid 40s. Also let me start by saying I know this is just a phase, perhaps a short one, but let me tell you how it started…

I had a dream

I’m with these two girls and we’re trying to steal info on a friends medical chart to find out if she’s okay. She’s just had a baby and the baby is home with her other friends, but she’s still at the hospital and they don’t know if she’s dead or alive. 

I’m supposed to be the look out while the other two girls try to hack the computer and check through the medical files. I hear something and go to check it out, but get lost as I’m wandering down various corridors. It’s like a maze. All of a sudden I’m carrying a cardboard box and walking in front of the Liberal Democrats’ (A British political party)  work room, Nick Clegg (the previous leader of the party, who resembles Colin Firth in this dream) sees me with the box and gets up and steps into the corridor with me and says:

“Let me guess the box has something written on it like- you’ll need this to pack up your things when you lose.”

I laugh and show him there’s nothing written and say “that would’ve been such a good idea.”

He shakes his head and we fall into step together walking further down the corridor. He speaks to me as if he knows me, as if we’ve had some thing in the past together. He tells me he’s not getting involved with me again after last time.

I give him a wry smile and challenge him, seductively- “really?”

The next minute you know we’re making out, viciously, desperately, hands all over each other. When we pull apart the two girls are staring at me, mouths open in shock. I pull away from Nick Clegg and walk away with them, without so much as a look backwards.

When I wake up 

I’m like damnn that was hot, maybe I can meet an older guy who’ll make me feel as hot as I did in that dream and so I took to Tinder. At first, I set my age limit to 28-35 and began swiping (I’m 26) I got a few matches, but then I thought no they’re not old enough! You can go older. So I changed the age limit to 35-45 and I smiled as I went on a swiping spree. I swiped some average guys and a few silver Foxes and got quite a few matches.

I have no problem with speaking first and so I sent out a whole bunch of “Hey *insert name* 😊” messages and waited.

The difference in the way these older men spoke to me was outstanding. There’s this one guy who I’ll call Mr Compliment, does just that. He showers me with them, constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how he can’t wait to take me on an incredible date. He’s an average looking guy from Norway and spoke about how great a date would be if we went there… Whoa slow down mate. 

There’s a guy who has a dog up and his dp and a caption on his profile explaining that he doesn’t put his picture up because blah blah blah! When I see that I think he’s probably ugly… Or at least thinks he is. I was intrigued so I swiped right anyway because I wanted to know how many people actually swiped right and he said surprisingly quite a few and we got to talking. I’m not interested in this Mr Invisible guy as I need to see your face to determine if I like you or not.. Maybe that makes me shallow, I think it makes me human. No one wants to invest time into someone and then meet them and end up sitting in front of Shrek for an hour!!

I had to do some self-reflection on this phase I’m going through. I asked myself if you know this is a phase are you leading these men on? Right now, I’m thinking no, as I’m genuinely interested in going on a few dates with older men to see what it’s like. I don’t want to marry a guy who’s this much older than me, but hey beggars can’t be choosers. There aren’t many guys my age knocking down my door… Apart from the ones trying to get sex 😂

Feel free to let me know if you think what I’m doing with these older guys is a terrible idea… I may be blinded by how hot my dream was and therefore not thinking clearly.

-Love, Autumn x

Remember the hot one?

It’s funny how someone’s personality can make them ugly… 

Remember the hot one?

I was feeling bored one day and decided to message him (I’m away for work and I’m on my own so I get bored a lot). I thought to myself, surely he can’t be this pathetic to throw a little hissy fit all because he thought I wasn’t talking to him.

We started talking again on whatsapp and he was his charming self again. I smiled as I replied to his messages and then being a guy he just couldn’t help but ruin it. In fact, no it wasn’t a guy thing, it was a him thing.

I love that smiley it’s so passive aggressive lol

I mean reallyyyy???? Reallllyyyyy????

Honestly, I could type more, I could use a colourful array of explicits to describe what kind of guy I think he is, but instead I’ll let the messages speak for themselves. I couldn’t help but laugh, and that’s been the reaction from most people who’ve seen these messages, because his behaviour was just so pathetic. 

-Love, Autumn x


The next day…

At this point the only reason I hadn’t blocked him is because he wanted me to 😂 Yes I was being deliberately difficult and no I didn’t care!

He still remains unblocked on my phone and doesn’t seem to have blocked me either. What a pathetic asshole loser!