Today I’m reflecting on how quickly men can enter and disappear from your life and how callously they can do this. I’m referring to the read and ignore type of guy.
I’d much prefer for a guy to just come out and tell me he’s not feeling me anymore. Hey, feel free to even tell me why. Maybe I was too clingy, or too needy, Was it the double text? Perhaps I came on too strong, did I say the wrong thing at some point? Who the hell knows! All I know is, in the space of a month, I met three guys and one by one they all disappeared almost as quickly as they entered my life.
I met Mr Smooth when I was on a night out with the girls. I had been casually talking to guys who approached me, throughout the night, but none of them had really piqued my interest. As I was about to leave (And I was pretty drunk at this point), a guy came over and started talking to me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure about most of what he was saying and I can’t even remember what he looked like, but he seemed to be into me and at the time I guess I was into him. I was leaning against this metal railing while my girls grabbed their coats and just stared up at him while he spoke to me, trying to keep my balance. I remember him calling me beautiful, which is always nice to hear, especially at the end of the night, when you know your makeup is no longer at its finest.
The girls looked ready to leave so I flashed him a smile, said a quick goodbye and turned to leave. He stopped me, wanting to talk some more and my sister said “stay there, he looks better than Mr X.” (We’ll get into who Mr X is, he’s a little more than a friend if you know what I mean, but that will need a post all of its own). So with that strict instruction I hung around long enough for him to put his number in my phone, call his phone and leave himself a voice message reminding himself to call the gorgeous girl he met at the end of the night. “The gorgeous girl he’s about to kiss.”
I must admit it, this guy was smooth and he was saying all the right things. I was feeling myself and feeling him even more so I let him kiss me… and it was gooood!! I felt like we were kissing for ages and It seemed like neither of us wanted to stop, but I pulled away, gave him one last peck and we parted ways.
I didn’t hear from him for a few days then I thought hey, its 2017 I can text him. So I did… no reply. I sighed and deleted his number. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I was feeling pretty lonely and pathetic after deleting guy number 2- Captain Obvious (we’ll get to him later) so I reset my contacts and added him back and sent him another message.
He read and ignored me again, but replied an hour or so later (one of my pet peeves is delayed replies, just don’t read my message until you have the time to respond!!). Anyways we got to talking and he apologised for not messaging me and explained that he was really drunk that night and lost his phone. I decided to believe him and we continued talking, a bit of banter here and there and it felt really easy. I quickly realised that I knew very little about him, even the most basic things like his age, where he lived and if he was even single. The last thing I wanted was to get attached to a guy who wasn’t even on the market.
I made a joke about not knowing if he was single and just being naughty that night and threw in the fact that I didnt know his age and that he could be way younger than me for all I knew. He didn’t respond to the part about whether or not he was single, but said we should guess each others age. I guessed right, he was 28, he guessed that I was 25. I don’t mind someone shaving a year off my age lol. Then he went silent.
I sent a text a couple days later, I dont even remember what I wrote, but he read and ignored me and so I waited to see if he’d respond hours later like he usually did, but he didn’t. We didn’t meet up after the night we met, just shared a few messages, but that was it. Goodbye Mr Smooth.
I was so proud of myself for the way I met Captain Obvious. I can be quite shy when I’m meeting someone for the first time, but I’ve really been trying hard to be more confident and as my mate Mr X recently told me, I’ve gotten a lot more confident 🙂 I was out in Shoreditch with my cousins on a girls night out, in this really crowded God foresaken bar, that I will never go to again. The plan was to grab food and a couple drinks before heading to the basement for some dancinggg. We were in the midst of the crowd around the bar, trying to get our first orders in, when these two guys ended up next to us- Captain Obvious and his brother.
Captain Obvious asked my cousin if we were in the queue. She said no and pointed to my other cousin who had almost reached the front. He then asked if it would be okay for them to move forward, past where we were standing so she smiled and said yes. I was in front of her and as he began to move past me I said- “what if I have a problem with it?” and pulled the sternest face I could. Now anyone who knows me would know there was absolutely nothing stern about the expression I gave him. Captain Obvious laughed and pulled me into a hug and said “I like you.” He then offered to buy me a shot and I politely declined, but he was insistent so I said okay (although I had no intention of drinking it). Things seemed a bit awkward in the wait for the line, he wasn’t really saying much and neither was I. He wasn’t even looking at me, so when my cousin handed me my drink, I left without a word.
We checked out downstairs, after realising we couldn’t order food without a table and they were ALL booked up so we left and got food elsewhere. We headed back to the bar and found out that at this time people had to pay to get in (just a fiver). My cousins told me to push out my chest and show some cleavage so we could get in free (the alcohol had started working on us all lol). Luckily, with no cleavage flashed, the bouncer remembered us and let us in for free. Drunk girls bumped into us, someone spilt their drink on me, the music was average, there weren’t any cute guys… we weren’t feeling it, so we decided to go to the smoking area. My cousins had a cigarette while I looked into booking an Uber.
While outside, I saw Captain Obvious leaning against the wall with his brother. The old me would have called it a day and called the Uber, but I decided to march over there and see what happens. I leaned against the wall next to him, flashed him a smile and asked how his night was going, and he gave some cheesy response like- better now, or something along those lines. I told him it was a bit crowded for me, but that it was always a good night out when out with the girls. His brother went back inside leaving the two of us alone and I told him I was leaving now, hoping he’d ask for my number. He did the guy thing and asked me to come home with him. Inside I rolled my eyes, but on the outside I smiled sweetly and told him I couldn’t do that.
He leaned over me, my back pressed against the wall, and he kissed me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close and it was soooo hot! A great kiss. His kisses were deep, passionate, intense and desperate; the kind of kisses that come straight before you tear each others clothes off and have sex. I pulled away and looked up at his face. His eyes were pleading with me to leave with him, but I have standards and I knew there was nothing he could say that would make me do that. After trying his luck one more time, I told him I was tempted but I couldn’t and he accepted it, but asked for my number and said something like- let me know where you end up (umm… I just said I was going home).
We parted ways, him leaving with my red lipstick stained all over his lips. I honestly can’t remember if he messaged me or if I messaged him first, but either way we started up on whatsapp and he quickly asked me on a date to get dinner after work during the week. I was stunned because I wasn’t used to guys actually making plans to meet up and I’ve never been on a dinner date before, so I was nervous but excited. Thenn…. later on, he began trying to get me to come over to his place. I should’ve known then and there that this was never going to go anywhere, but I held on to the fact that he asked me on a date and ignored it, engaging in playful, flanter (flirty banter) with him. I was tempted to go round to his and asked what we’d be doing if I went over. He said we’d order food, drink wine and walk around without clothes until we couldn’t resist each other anymore. I couldn’t help, but laugh as I sprawled out in my bed under the covers, feeling even less motivation to leave the house.
Later on I said that I was bored and his response was that he felt annoyed as he could’ve helped me with my boredum (ooook) but now he was going out with his boys. I told him to have fun and that he inspired me to make plans with the girls.
Then Captain Obvious goes- “you’ve inspired me”
Me- “to do what?”
CO- “well I wanted you, but…”
Me- “that’s quite the cliffhanger lol”
He didnt respond to any of my messages after that and at first I was like fine, fuck him! Then I decided to send one of those long- “I knew you were just after sex anyway have a nice life” kind of messages, which of course he read and ignored too. Let me raise a glass to Captain Obvious, the guy who obviously just wanted me for sex. Laters asshole!
Let me start by saying Mr GIF, was a product of Tinder. Ahh Tinder, we definitely have a love- hate relationship. I mean, the amount of times I’ve deleted it then shortly after, installed it again and I mean deleted my entire account not just the app. Anyways after deleting my account and reinstalling, setting up my profile all over again and swiping through the fresh stream of guys, I found him. He wasn’t a new face though, I had matched with him before and was sure I had briefly spoken to him so I sent him a message saying- “hello again, had to delete my old account as the app kept crashing,” some shit along those lines.
He was really nice, he said that happens to him alot and we started talking. Small talk really; age, location, occupation etc.. Then a bit of bants. It’s funny, one thing that all these guys have in common is how easy the conversation flowed and how although, I dont remember exactly what we spoke about, I knew I was entertained and it seemed as if they were too.
Mr GIF was another read, ignore and respond later kind of guy, which irritated the hell out of me, but I let it go. I guess I should’ve known that eventually he wouldn’t respond later. Mr GIF was 30 and studying at university, coming to the end of his last year. I immediately thought to myself, what has he been doing all these years? Turns out he’s ex- military. When he began talking about his dreams of designing buildings with a focus on community and bringing people together, and spoke about podcasts and articles he had read, I knew I was talking to an intelligent guy. I knew I was talking to my kind of guy. My dad is ex-military so I have a lot of respect for his path in life and although I was really interested in what it was like for him in the military, I knew not to ask such questions, especially this early on.
We spoke every day and he was an avid texter, messaging me when he was at work on his breaks, in the morning, late into the night. Perhaps we messaged too much and it got stale. Perhaps I shouldn’t have double texted. No… I definitely shouldn’t have double texted, but I really liked him and he seemed to like me too. I was working abroad at the time, and we joked about a date at the park where I said it should be a date to remember and he said a little hand-over sweater action should do the trick and I said I hope there’s a lake I can push you into after. We laughed about it, but shortly after the trail went cold.
We went from speaking daily to a whole day of no texts. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was still online so I messaged him to ask what he was doing up and he playfully shot me a text back saying- “the question is why are you up? :P” The truth was I had a bad dream lol but he didnt need to know that… so why the hell did I tell him?? And even worse… why did I talk about how a nice warm cuddle would help me get back to sleep. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, after I had pressed send I was definitely feeling texters remorse.
He read and ignored my messages after that. I left him for a few days, but I liked him more than Mr Smooth and Captain Obvious put together. I felt quite hurt, not by the rejection, but more by the way he did it so I sent him a message, the gist of which expressed this and let him know I felt that I didnt deserve to be ignored like that and the least he could do was to just say he lost interest. Guess what happened?? Surprise Surprise, he read and ignored the message, which to be honest, was the response I expected.
On reflection, I know I was part of the problem. I cared too much, too soon and I think it showed. I think it scared Mr GIF away, not sure why Mr Smooth jumped ship and as for Captain obvious, well his disappearing act was the most obvious of them all. One thing I think I can say for certain is that I made myself too available to them. I am a phone in hand kind of person. That is, my phone is almost always in my hand. I tend to use it a lot for work, messaging coworkers and messaging family members and friends while I’m working abroad, so I was readily around to reply to their messages and I was guilty of texting all day, throughout the day with them.
Lastly, to the men guilty of these things: Why are you guys such cowards? Why can’t you just text a girl and tell her you’re not interested? Why must you leave her hanging? Why read her messages and ignore them? Why are you so damn heartless??
Anywaysssss… Tinder has provided me with a new bounty of potential magicians specialising in the disappearing act, but we’ll see. I’m back in London for a few days before I have to leave again for work, and have managed to secure a date for next Tuesday with Mario. I’m also hoping to see Mr X and have him take care of some well needed and very neglected business 😉 I’ll tell you all about Mr X in the next post, and let you know how the date with Mario goes!
Love, Autumn x