Soooo… I said I would explain who Mr X is. Do you have an hour to spare to read through this dissertation-length post lol just kidding… Sort of. We’ve been talking for about a year and a half so I guess there’s quite a lot to say, but I’m going to break it down into 3 parts.
Mr X (part 1): The Pen Pal
Mr X (part 2): In The Flesh
Mr X (part 3): The Special Friend 😉
Mr X is the first and only guy I’ve ever met up with from Tinder (Mario will be the second). I’ve often spoken to guys on tinder, but gotten cold feet when it came to actually meeting up. My mum made sure she instilled enough fear into my sister and I that we’re not the kind of people who take things lightly. With all the news reports about women being raped or murdered by their online dates, and our mum making sure to bring us up to speed on the lastest news, let’s just say we live a very cautious and paranoid life when it comes to dating.
Yes, there’s the first date rule of meeting in a crowded place, but for me I was just too scared. I enjoyed talking to these guys, but couldn’t bring myself to take it that one step further, that is until I swiped right on Mr X. It was such a long time ago that I don’t remember who messaged who first. I remember where I was when we matched though. I was sitting on a bench outside of Euston Station waiting for my sister to join me as we had a personal development seminar in the area on Thursday evenings, some of you may know it, it’s called Landmark.
I was going through one of my I hate Tinder phases and complaining that most of the guys that came up just weren’t my type. Then I saw his profile. There was nothing written in his bio (lazy git) and he had a few group pictures and one with everyone else cropped out so you could tell who you were going to be talking to. Honestly he wasn’t really my type, but I had told myself I was being too picky and was selecting the best of what was available at this point. He was an attractive guy, but didn’t give off that rugged/manly vibe, which I find myself usually drawn to. Nethertheless we matched and got to talking.
One thing I noticed straight away was that he was quite mellow, which I liked. He took his time getting to know me and never even broached the topic of sex. Even after we moved over to whatsapp and had been talking for a few months, he never brought it up. I respected that and felt like I had a real gentleman on my hands, but there was one problem. He wasn’t asking me out! I was like, I’ve finally found a guy who’s not a creep, we get on well, he’s polite, he doesn’t push the sex talk BUT he’s doesn’t seem interested in actually going out.
Was he the male version of me? Enjoying the conversations we had, but hesitant to meet up? We broached that topic and he said he’d met up with others before, so I guessed it was just me. When I asked him about it, he said he had a lot on at the moment and that there was something he needed to sort out before we could meet up. He wouldn’t talk about it and that was his right, but I checked out a little after that.
As you can imagine I immediately thought that this something had a name and was female. I made a joke about my suspicions and he said “Autumn, It’s not about that I swear!” To which I responded with something along the lines of- it’s none of my business. He tried to reassure me that I had the wrong idea and I said okay just to change the topic. We continued speaking and months dragged on with this pen pal type relationship until I brought it up again. He simply relayed the same message but added that he thought it would be sorted out soon and to give him time. I was pissed, and thought I’ll give you time, how’s forever?? (Have I mentioned I’m a tad dramatic?).
I’m sure you must be thinking now something along the lines of wow desperate much? Looking back now, I’m definitely thinking that. I’ve got that nasty little syndrome where you’ve known a guy for all of two seconds and you think you realllyyyy like him. Perhaps you even start picturing what you two would be like together. Your dating potential. Well that’s what I was doing. I thought about Romantic movies where the couple had obstacles to overcome before they got together. I’m actually laughing to myself as I write this, because you know what? There was one MAJOR obstacle we would and could never overcome.
He said he didn’t want any children.
He was talking about his failed relationships and how he wouldn’t get serious with anyone else until he was sure, because be wanted the next one to be his last. He had had two long term relationships that didn’t work out so I could understand his thinking. Meanwhile inhadnt even reached the 6 month mark with anyone (although to be fair I’ve only ever had one boyfriend at that was when I was at school). I agreed that it was best to know what the other person wanted so you were in the same page and shared my fear of divorce. I told him about my dad who married someone only to find out she didn’t want kids, which of course led to their divorce.
This is when he dropped the no kids bombshell.
I think it would’ve been better if he had just left it at that, but he added- “maybe it’s because I’m not in love right now.” So of course in my head I thought there was still a chance for us. Maybe I’d be the one to change his mind. Yes, I had already been in crazy mode several times, picturing what our kids would look like and what kind of father he’d be (honestly I picture what my future could look like, with most guys I talk to). I asked him why he didn’t want kids, genuinely curious. He said that he didn’t picture his future with kids in it, and preferred the idea of a life with money and nice things, where he could pack up and travel freely without the constraints than kids would bring. I understood the appeal.
A little message for the future me- please understand that “maybe,” almost always means no. Months later (we still hadn’t met face to face) the topic of kids somehow came up again, and I swear it wasn’t just me constantly bringing it up to see if he’d changed his mind. Mr X was ranting about corporate greed and being a slave to money and how he fears for the future of his nieces and nephews and doesn’t want to bring a child into the world in which we currently live in.
I’m a very good listener, but I’m quite shit at saying exactly what I think, because I’m not a big fan of confrontation instead I tend to let feelings fester. Honestly all I was thinking is reallllyyyyy?? If you don’t want kids fair enough, but pleaseee stop talking. In these moments I was glad I could hide behind supportive smiley emojis, whilst frowning in the privacy of my own home. Mr X has a tendency to go off on long rants like that, but even if I don’t agree with the content, his passion for what he’s saying tends to draw me in (with the exception of this particular rant).
With this major difference between us, in terms of what we wanted for the future, the smart thing would’ve been to walk away. Instead we decided to continue talking, I mean it’s not like either of us were looking for something serious… 👀 Mr X was on a night out when his mysterious problem ceased to be an issue. Shortly after, we were talking and he started asking me about bars near where I live. One thing led to another and we were discussing a potential meet up. After we agreed on the best date and time, being the crazy person I am, I messaged him this:
Mr X- Well what?
Me- Are you gonna ask me out?
Mr X- I thought I did
Me- Nope, we merely discussed a potential meet up
(At this point I think he knew me well enough to expect this kind of response and didn’t even question it).
Mr X- lol Autumn, would you like to go for drinks on Saturday?
Me- I’d love to!
I finally had a date with Mr X!
Stay tuned for Mr X (part 2): In the flesh
Love Autumn X