These days, tell a guy how you feel and he runs away. But as ladies we can sometimes tell when things just aren’t going anywhere and why should we have to waste time hoping and praying that one day that guy we like will realise how great we are?
Why are guys so weak… such cowards?
They’d rather lie to us and say we’re great… they’re just not ready for a relationship right now… they’re currently dealing with something they need to get through before asking you out… about to move to Argentina… Just got so much on right now with work/football… You deserve better than me… I can’t give you what you need…
All those guy excuses. And sometimes yeah they might be legit, but I’m talking about the times when they’re blatantly blowing you off. About a year ago, I was in overthinking/ speak without thinking mode and messaged Mr X after we hadn’t spoken in like 10 days.
Oh Autumn… why do you do these things to yourself?
Me: I know we’re just talking and I’m cool with just being friends if that’s what you want cos when we’re vybin we’ve got some good banter lol I just don’t want to you to feel like you have to slowly phase me out or anything cos I can take it 🙂
Yes I sound pathetic!! Didn’t realise that until after I had already pressed send…
“vybin” … Oh God Autumn…
Mr X: That’s not what I’m doing but can see it looking like that.
So I thought he meant he could see it heading in that direction where he starts to fade me out and so I wrote…
Me: Well might as well cut our losses now then lol
Mr X: Okay then let’s leave it as mates
Then I reread the conversation… as you do and realised he may have meant he could see how I might think he was trying to phase me out… it was too late though.
Now, this all went down before we had sex, which is why I was quite calm and collect about his quick response to leave it as mates. Otherwise I’d probably be burning inside and ready to rant to my girls about how he was obviously just using me for sex.
I had exams at the time and had been feeling anxious about them (probably because I’d barely studied… shhh) and not knowing where I stood with Mr X was making me more anxious, but as soon as we decided to be friends I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders… and of course if I’m honest, part of me felt like shit! Like I wasn’t good enough to fight for… but that only happens in the movies right?
That was just the first time Mr X and I have done the whole let’s just be mates thing. For some reason it just doesn’t ever seem to stick. The tone of our conversation never changes and in a matter of days we’re flirting again and I’m at his house Netflix and chilling 😂
I think because we’re both pretty busy; him with work and home repairs and me with travelling for work, we both understand that not many people would put up with how unavailable we are… So it kind of works out. We see each other once a month if we’re lucky, but we tend to text almost everyday to make up for it. Although there’s nothing like a bit of face to face action with Mr X.
The Second time, I called it quits with Mr X, I was absolutely serious. It had been such a long time since we’d seen each other. He was making zero effort to make plans with me and I felt like even with the messaging, I was the one initiating it most. Then I thought… Here we are, we’re at that point where he’s phasing me out. I got annoyed and truthfully I was upset by it as we’ve always been pretty much up front with each other about this being causal and not going anywhere. So I was thinking, if you’re not feeling it anymore just tell me. I like you not just as someone to have sex with but I genuinely enjoy talking to you and spending time together and I wouldn’t mind doing that even if we were friends without the benefits.
So I sent him this…
I was weeeellll proud of this message and thought I’d kept it super classy. Then he responded.
Now, the tiff he’s referring to was me basically acting like a spoilt child over something super small. I find it very hard to admit when I’m in the wrong, in fact I hate it and according to my mum I’ve been that way since I was a kid… I just hate apologising. That being said, after a few days of stewing in my stubbornness, I actually apologised and we talked it through, with him encouraging me to just speak to him and tell him how I feel in the moment, instead of letting things fester, the way I do. He accepted my apology and so I thought we’d moved past it, but I guess I was wrong.
Anyways I was happy that he was so receptive to my message and that he was cool with staying friends, but the main thing I took from these messages is how much miscommunication there was between us and this wasn’t the first time either. I hateeee taking about my feelings, I don’t like feeling vunerable, so I avoid it at all costs. This means sometimes I won’t say what I want, how I feel, if you’ve upset me. I mean, if he’s upset/ annoyed me, he’ll usually realise, based on the way I respond to his messages and then he’ll ask me if I’m in a strop, to which I’ll respond “yep.” By the way I know this is something I need to work on.
Like before, we continued talking, bantering, flirting and before I knew it we were back at square one. I remember talking to my mate Noah and saying “I’ve got no idea what we’re doing and I feel like I can’t ask because we’ve just had this whole friends convo.” In my head bringing it up again would’ve elevated me to a level of crazy, I didn’t feel like being a part of at the time, so I decided to go with the flow, BUT I knew that it was time for me to start meeting new people and going on dates… Even if it was just for the experience and the story of course 😉
-Love, Autumn x