I think I might be good at dating

So I went on a date with Mario. I was doing my usual and thinking of excuses not to go, trying to talk my way out of it, but no one was putting up with my bs. My sister told me to go, so did my cousins and even my mum said I should go even if it’s just for the experience.

I had a really nice time.

I always start this internal monologue about what I’ll say on the date. If I’ll have anything to say, will it be natural? What if it’s awkward? What if there’s nothing but silence between us? Well I’m happy to report it was none of the above, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.

I wasn’t that optimistic as Mario came compliments of Tinder, my arch nemesis. Guys from Tinder (with the exception of Mr X of course), have been nothing but revolving door of perverts and sex fiends. Needless to say I haven’t been interested in a lengthy conversation let alone meeting up for a date. That’s not to say Tinder is the home of such cretins, on the contrary, they’re all around us, in fact I met one on the train this afternoon who walked past where I was sitting, paused to look down my dress and then walked away, and there’s one sitting next to me on the train as I write this, full on staring at my chest (not even trying to hide it). My boobs aren’t even on show!! There’s the tiniest amount of cleavage, what the hell is wrong with some people.

Anyways I digress. Where was I? Mario, Tinder, Fuckboys…

I’ve got a thing for Italians… I find myself drawn to them even if I’m not aware of it at the time. Apparently they’ve got a thing for me too. Afterall, it takes two to match on Tinder, or one poor guy and a bunch of your girlfriends who’ve hi-jacked your phone and are swiping right to every single guy that shows up. 😭 My poor account.

Mario was my latest Italian. He was really sweet and seemed to have this intense interest in the Caribbean

Heyyy, I’m from the Caribbean!!

We spoke on Tinder for a little while but quickly moved over to Whatsapp where we continued. He seemed very keen and replied to my messages pretty quickly, which I liked. As you may have read from my previous posts I can’t stand guys who read my messages, but wait until later to reply.

We spoke about our experiences meeting up with people from tinder. He’d met up with a few, and I told him I’d met up with one (Mr X), and that he was be number 2. He suggested we go down to the riverside and said it would be a warm day, but I had to double check what his idea of warm was… 14 degrees 😑 Nope! So I suggested we go somewhere inside. He took me to this coffee shop where we sat and talked. I’m not the best at remembering everything we spoke about, but I’ll give you the highlights.

– we spoke about our childhoods 

I said I had he best childhood in the world and told him what it was like to grow up with 4 siblings. The games we created, the trouble we got into and the little holidays we took together. He told me about life in Italy, living by the sea.

-we spoke about creepy people from tinder. 

I had no idea that men had to deal with creeps as well😂 and men… I’m sorry if any of you dealt with someone like the girl I’m about to tell you about. So Mario starts telling Me about a girl who really likes cats. So much that she told him she ate cat food to be closer to them andddddd if that wasn’t weird enough…. Get ready… Can I have a drum roll please…

When they were kittens she tried breastfeeding them!!! She didn’t even have any milk in there maaaan 😩 I thought I was a dedicated cat owner, I thought I really loved cats, but I guess I was wrong. I’m just not on her level at all… Nor do I bloody wanna be!!

The whole cat conversation brought up a very important question- cat vs dogs. That’s when he said it… “I don’t like cats,” I gasped exaggeratedly and pointed to the door, signalling for him to leave. He shook his head and said I should be the one to leave, but I said no! I’m comfortable sitting right here. Then we paused looking at each other and burst out laughing. All was well, in my mind, I’d already started planning ways get him to fall in love with cats, BUT THEN… He said he was a dog person.


We went back and forth, me on why cats rule and dogs suck, while he argued the opposite. We came to a- let’s just agree to disagree point in our little debate, when he said if he had a dog he’d train it well so it would be lying nicely by his side right now. I simply said if I waked in and saw him with a dog I’d walk out, to which he responded “welll my dog will be wth me forever, you… Who knows how long.” I swear all I was thinking in that moment was “wow where’s he gonna get an immortal dog from?”

We also spoke about Notting Hill carnival… Apparently he goes every year. I told him I went once but after waking past a dead body with a sheet over it and police standing around it, I decided it wasn’t the place for me. Realising I had dampened the mood a little, and seeing the horror on his face, I added that once you’ve been to carnival in the Caribbean, the London one just cannot compare. He told me how badly he wants to visit the Caribbean and as he went on and on about Jamaica, I thought to myself… Yessss!! What a save!

There are some questions you don’t ask on a first date.

“Do you want to get married?” “Do you see yourself with children in the future?”

Don’t worry I didn’t go nuclear and ask him any of those. I did however ask him if he has a problem with gay people. I only brought it up because he’s previously used the term “batty boy.” I had heard him and stored the comment while taking time to reflect before bringing it up again. I could see him taking the time to think before he responded, but I was pleased with his response. I wanted to know because there are people in my life who mean a lot to me who are gay and if you have a problem with it there’s no room for you in my life period! I’m not going to start getting political about morals, values and how everyone has the right to an opinion, but as far as I’m concerned on this matter in particular, there’s no room for me to be accepting of contradicting views from a potential partner. That being said Mario is definitely not a potential partner.

The date was nice, I was very pleased with my behaviour throughout and as he walked me back to the station and leaned in and hugged me, I felt nothing for him. I almost felt a little guilty because of how nice he was, but being nice isn’t enough. I don’t need fireworks, puppies, unicorns and rainbows lol but I deserve to feel that burning passion and desire for a potential partner. I want to feel butterflies, my heart beating against my chest. I know the feeling well, so I know it exists and I want it. I won’t settle for anything less, so I don’t think I’ll be seeing Mario again, even though he’s already trying to get a second date…

I left Mario to meet up with my mate Noah and cousin Summer and we got drinks and dinner at TGIF. I was going to write a separate post about it because the manager there was flirting with me the whole time and asked for my number but the bitch didn’t call me so fuck him lol he doesn’t get a post!!

-Love, Autumn x

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