My cousin Neveah has a way with men. She comes across as very confident and has no qualms about walking up to a guy making a bit of small talk and then asking if he’s single. If she’s rejected she just moves on to the next. In my head I’m going through a tailspin caught up in feelings of rejection and it feels as if an arrow has been shot into my self esteem. Not her though, she doesn’t get caught up in how one guy might make her feel, because she has a roster.
A roster is a mental list of all the guys you’re talking to (excl. friends). The whole aim of the roster is to spread your time evenly so that when one guy is being a douche or not messaging you back, you’re not spending time over analysing things and staring at your phone, waiting for them, because the other guys in your roster are keeping you busy. I was skeptical about the idea when she first told me, because I’m the- “oh my god is this love?” kind of girl after one date lol slight exaggeration, but I do tend to fall hard and fast and prefer to focus on one guy at a time…. Not that that’s gotten me anywhere.
Anyways the whole roster idea was always in the back of my head, but with my focus completely on Mr X there was hardly any room for anyone else. But recently, I made a mental change and with Tinderites pouring in and taking up my time, I hadn’t spoken to him in over a week. I’m not gonna lie and pretend I hadn’t checked if he posted on Facebook or Instagram because I had, but it wasn’t as often and I certainly wasn’t dyinggg for him to message me. By the way, just a little note, during that week he had been liking my posts on social media, but not making any effort to message me. This isn’t the first time. It’s almost as if he thinks because he does that it’ll make me remember he’s around and cause me to message him…. Nope sorry, I’m too busy being childish and stubborn to do that, plus I’ve got plenty of entertainment from my Tinderites.
So this brings me to today. When Mr X sends me a message.
I go on to describe my symptoms and what I think it could be (carbon monoxide poisoning) and he goes into rationale mode explaining why it’s unlikely to be that. I wrap up the topic by saying I hope it’s gone by the time I’m in London and this happens…
As you can see, when I was elusive about whether or not I am dating, Mr X changed the subject. He’s very good at that. We started talking about movies and he asked me if I had seen some film. Usually when we get to talking about who’s seen what, it leads to us discussing when we’re going to meet up, but no it seemed he just wanted to know to see if I’d recommend it 😑 I then deliberately recommended a shit film I had just seen, but he saw straight through me 😂
Movie talk led to walking dead to sex scenes in shows to Spartacus to porn to him saying he wants to ride me. All I was thinking was finally!! But it wasn’t an invitation so I skipped over it and mentioned that I was planning to get my nipples pierced when I’m back in London. Honestly, I expected him to ask me why or say something negative about it (not sure why), but…
Then he invites me over properly.
Why am I getting my nipples pierced?
My cousin Sunset’s friend got both hers pierced and said it made her nipples really sensitive, my cousin got one of hers pierced and agreed that it’s more sensitive. My nipples might as well not even be there 😂 I can’t feel shit it’s like they’ve got no nerve endings in them at all (when it comes to sexual stimulation). So many guys spend time on my boobs and I’m just there like… That’s enough now… I can’t feel shit move on! Of course I don’t actually say that, I moan appreciatively and kiss them or feel them up so that part of the foreplay can be over (as you can tell I need to be more vocal about what I like during sex). I’m really hoping that once they’re pierced I’ll be able to feel even the slightest bit turned on by nipple play (fingers crossed). I’m not simply getting them for sexual reasons though, I also think they’d look cool and I just really want them!
Just before I’m getting ready to go to bed I get this message.
Wow! Mention nipple piercings and I get to see this side of him. The last time I saw this side was over 3 months ago (maybe longer) when he sent me a well recieved video of him jerking off 😍 I was starting to wonder if he was even still interested in having sex with me. Seriously! I was gonna bring it up when we spoke and tell him if he’s not interested it’s okay and it explains a lot about our sex life. I like his energy right now, but let’s see if he brings it to the bedroom🤔 Also remember, I said I’m not sleeping in his bed… My stubborn ass is still holding onto that!! 😂
I’m still planning to have the talk and I’ve decided to do it before Thursday. It’s going to have to via text convo then or maybe the phone… I hope it goes well. Wish me luck!
-Love, Autumn x