First let me apologise for the double post, I felt like it would be better to separate the two, plus I meant to post the “I feel sad” post yesterday. I would suggest reading I feel Sad first, only because it happened first, but you don’t reallly need to. Okay enjoy xx
Later that day (the morning after seeing the Magician), I met up with Mr X it was a last minute decision and we went to grab drinks after he finished work. He wanted to go somewhere outside so I asked if he meant Stratford or Liverpool Street and he said Stratford. I told him there were loads of pubs around so we agreed on that. He made me promise not to be late because he had to be on the 5:30pm train so I agreed and was all ready to meet him for 4pm. He messaged to say he’d be late and I sat there, already on the train looking super smug. I killed 20 mins easily.
I smiled when I saw him. I couldn’t help it, I had missed him. We talked on the way to the pub and he said he had never come to Stratford before (besides Westfield). It was only when I took him to a pub that I realised he wanted to go to a beer garden place that’s what he meant by saying he wanted to go outside. I told him I didn’t know of any place like that in Stratford so we settled on the empty-ish pub.
I told him I’d get the first round but he refused. While we waited to be served in the empty-ish pub, I told him that I wanted to go to the beer garden near where he lives and reminded him that last time I asked he said it was too cold. He had no excuse this time! He said yeah it was fine and that we could go. I then said he doesn’t take me anywhere and that he should show me around his area and he replied “that’s a relationship thing” so I punched him playfully in the arm and disagreed. When he wanted to buy my drink I said- “that’s a relationship thing” and then he took my bank card and slotted it into his wallet. The woman behind the bar said it was cash only so he paid for the first and I paid for the second because he only had a tenner on him.
We sat and talked about politics and he explained the leftist/ right views to me ( I still don’t completely get its), he had this question on race, without going too far into it, he wanted to know why black people talk about race so much, more than other ethnic minorities. I gave him my two cents on it, but he didn’t seem completely satisfied with my answer. I told him I couldn’t speak for everyone but that was how I felt on the subject. He lovessss these kind of intellectual conversations, he particularly likes being able to ask me questions people are too afraid to ask in case they come off as offensive. I don’t mind it at all, if you want to know something about black culture and I have the answers I’ll clue you in, but I’ll always say it’s my opinion on the matter, I don’t speak for everyone.
I asked him about the life questions of course. At first he said it was too depressing and that he didn’t want to bring it up. I knew he hadn’t forgotten. He explained the whole thing to me and I don’t really want to go into it but he said something about the recent attacks in London and how it’s made him feel less accepting of the human rights act and a bunch of other shit.
He sat back in his chair and sighed then apologised and said we shouldn’t be talking about this depressing stuff. I laughed and said I didn’t mind. I always have fun with Mr X, it really doesn’t matter what we’re doing. He told me we’d been talking for 18 months now and I said we need to do something special for our 2 year anniversary and he laughed and said we’re not there yet. I told him he was my longest non-relationship relationship and he laughed and shook his head. He spoke about dying alone and I told him he he can’t find someone near where he lives, he needs to make more effort into looking elsewhere. He is so set on this idea that he’ll end up alone, but its not defeat or sadness in his eyes, sometimes I think its bliss lol. I told him when we’re old and grey I’ll still be around to annoy him at least and he laughed.
I brought up his birthday gift again and told him I didn’t bring it because he was being a weirdo about it. When I asked what he thought it was, his responses made me laugh- things like a friendship bracelet, silk underwear. I mean he was way off but I told him I could understand his train of thought. He agreed that he wouldn’t be weird about it.
Somehow we were talking about him getting angry and I asked what I would have to do to make him angry. He said he’d be pissed if I turned up at his house unannounced boy don’t tempt me! Lol I laughed and said I didn’t think he’d be that mad and he said he would if his parents and family were there.
Me: if they were there I’d just go home so why get angry?
Mr X: I couldn’t just turn you away
Me: you wouldn’t have to, if they were there there’s no way I’d be coming inside. You know that’s my nightmare.
He laughed and said it would be pretty awkward. I agreed. Shortly after that we finished our drinks and walked back to the station. We shared and awkward kiss complete with the banging of teeth and went our separate ways. I later told my sister that I’ve grown to love Mr X as a friend. She scoffed and said she didn’t believe it was just friendly love, but I insisted that it was. I absolutely love being around him, but hanging out. I could spend a whole weekend with him, playing Xbox, doing shit in the garden with him, talking, watching TV, no kissing, no sex and I think I’d have a great time… isn’t that friendship?
-Love, Autumn x