I feel sad

Don’t get me wrong the past couple days have been great. I saw the magician Tuesday night. I was running late… No surprise there but it was a relatively great evening. He told me he was fasting. He’s not Muslim but it was a solidarity thing with some of his work mates so he was doing a few days- I commended him for his resolve.

We smoked a joint, had great sex and chilled for a bit. Yup it was Netflix and chill. He said I could choose what we watched but looked hesitant when I asked anything??? Lol I chose RuPaul’s drag race! I can’t get enough of that show, especially the season with Bianca del Rio ❤️❤️

To my surprise he agreed and he really got into it. He was asking questions about the queens and commenting on how great some of the transformations were. I was thinking wow he’s really something! We watched about 4 episodes while he slowly broke his fast. He offered me something to eat but I declined. He said he only really had bread and cereal anyway.

This guy is wayyy too comfortable around me. Yes it is his place, but the way he was belching and making other gross sounds I was like- dude this is only the second time we’ve met up, you should still be trying to make a good impression… Nope that was out the window. I guess once he got sex there was no need for that anymore 🤔 I seriously felt like I was in the relationship stage where the guy is comfortable farting next to you (thankfully this is where he drew the line).

After a sickening amount of draaaaag I let him choose something. He put on this cartoon that I’d been watching on my own Netflix and we were practically at the same place, I think I was half way through the episode he had just started. It was about 11pm when he wrapped himself up in the sheets and looked like he was going to sleep. I took the hint and asked him if he was tired. He said yeah, and I asked if he wanted to go to sleep now and he said he did so I got up and told him that I was gonna leave. I said that he’d have to give me directions on how to get to the station (I’m terrible with directions). He sat up and said yeah of course, then he asked me to spend the night. I was laughing inside because I knew it was because he was too tired to walk me to the station and I knew he wouldn’t be happy with letting me walk there on my own. I agreed and got back into bed.

At first he didn’t really spoon me he was just lying there and I had positioned myself perfectly so that he could and eventually he did, but it wasn’t as natural as when I spoon Mr X and I know I shouldn’t compare the two, but come on this is what we do!


The magician snores!!! Sooooo loudly 😭 I kept nudging him which would make him stop for a little bit, but the snoring would soon continue. At one point I was just staring at him with pure hatred in my eyes! I love my sleep and I hate anyone that interferes with it! Actually hate is a strong word so I “dislike with a passion.” Somehow I was able to drop off to sleep and I slept great, strangely better than I do at Mr X’s house.

In the morning around 4am, the magician got up at first I was thinking why the hell is he up but then I remembered he was fasting so this was part of it. I could hear him eating cereal in the kitchen. I thought it was somewhat sweet that he was eating in there where he thought he wouldn’t wake me with his loud crunchy and the sound of the spoon hitting the bowl… It must seem like I’m just reallyyy picking at this guy now, but I promise I’m not.

I still think he’s a really nice guy, I’m just not sure how attracted to him I am to him. Yes this may seem strange coming from the girl who’s slept with him on two different occasions. I do really like him though, hanging not with him is fun, but the attraction worries me.

We left in the morning together and got packed up in the train during rush hour. I asked him if he knows that he snores and he laughed said “yeah sorry babe.” We parted ways with a kiss and he went to work and I went to run some errands.

So why do I feel sad? I think it may be because I really like this guy, but i’m in my head about the attraction. The sexual chemistry is there, the potential for great friendship is there, but the physical attraction… he’s an attractive guy, but am I attracted to him? I’m not 100% sure. I know I like him and i’m just going to leave it as that for now because I think i’m just being a big mind fuck to myself. Get it together Autumn!!

We’ll see how things go, for all I know he feels the same way about me.

-Love, Autumn x




  1. Pingback: A drink with Mr X | Autumn's Inner Thoughts
  2. chelsealee7 · June 15

    Ugh! I do this all the time. I constantly question how much I like someone, why I like them, what I don’t like about them… It is exhausting! I wish we could just get out of our heads sometimes and just enjoy something for what it is! I guess he is comfortable enough with you to belch, but not to fart. But, we all know it is getting there, and it is only the second time you have seen him. Keep an eye on that. lol. BTW, sooo jealous that you have RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix in the UK. I’m basically obsessed with the show and have to watch online.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Haha yesss you get me 100% I’m trying not to overthink for once but it’s so hard! And yess he gets extra points for his interest in RuPaul’s drag race cos I loveeee that show soo much 😍❤️❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  3. L. Rorschach · June 15

    I am laughing about him being so comfortable around you. I remember on only our 3or or 4th date, Tex farted in front of me. I said, “Oh, are we already at the stage?!” He replied, “I suppose so.” LOL

    I agree with you: Try to relax and let it be. As long as you like spending time with him, you don’t have to think about whether or not you’re attracted to him. You’ll know in time. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lol I’m glad you find it funny, when it was happening I was just trying so hard not to glare at him 😂 If he does fart in front of me I think I’ll use your line lol I like that.

      And yeah we’ll see what happens 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  4. indiangirldating · June 15

    aww I hope you’re feeling better! sometimes it happens – you’ll be back to new in no time 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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