For once I’m not hiding how I feel from myself. I’m opening admitting I feel confused, hurt, a little empty after cutting ties completely with the Magician. I think that being honest with myself means I’ve made more progress in my own self development. Here I am trying to pick out the positives from my encounter with him:
- I learned how relaxed I can be with someone new, if we have the right chemistry.
- I learned what it feels like to experience PDA and that I like it 😍
- I learned that fuck boys come in many different forms
- I learned that I can confidently tell a guy I won’t do certain things unless he gets tested (std test).
- I learned I can walk away from someone I really like, if they’re not adding enough to my life.
- I had great sex and was comfortable throughout all of it.
Number 5 is a major one for me. As I said in my previous post, I’ve always found it difficult to walk away. Even when I’ve known it was over, the guy didn’t care about me or that I was being used, I would wait for the guy to end things.
I’m back on Tinder, fishing for new Tinderites. I’ve got a Fri-date tomorrow with a musician. I’m not really into musicians, but there was something that drew me in with this guy. When I found out he’s 5ft8 I was like meh I’m 5ft4 and hate wearing heels so it wasn’t a big deal. Then I saw more pictures from Instagram (stalker alert) and started to question if we’d click, if he’d even like me 🙈
I’m doing that thing where I’m trying to find reasons not to go on the date. I’ll give it a chance, even though I’m not really feeling it at the moment. It’s funny, I like talking to him, he’s so sweet and his replies are timely, which is what I’ve been complaining about recently😅
What’s wrong with me?
I’ll update you on how my date goes… Fingers crossed.
-Love, Autumn x