I feel so emotional right now.
I’m on my way home from date 2 with the pirate, wearing his jacket and I could not feel happier, how did I get here? The way I feel about him, is the way I feel after having sex with someone I like- the fake feeling of love, the “I want to be around you all the time” feeling that oxytocin brings to the table.
I didn’t think I could feel like this about someone so soon and before we’ve had sex. The feeling scares me so much, it’s so intense it’s making me teary eyed, but I’m determined not to cry because I think it’s ridiculous to cry because you’re having intense feelings for someone.
Anyway, let me tell you about the date.
I was late again… Shocker! Seriously I’m not even doing it on purpose, I rushed out of the house and somehow I was still 20 mins late. I felt awful, especially because I had planned to bring a flask of dark rum (his favourite) to the date. The date which I planned 😏
I’ve never planned a date before, I’ve never been so nervous and wanted a date to go so well. I was worried he’d think it was lame or just wouldn’t enjoy himself. I booked this ghost bus tour of London and he loved it. It was funny and we learned so much about London that we had no idea about.
I said to my sister, the day before the date, that I’ve realised the true measure of how I feel about someone is linked to losing Mr X. I have to feel like being with that person will be worth losing him, and right now I’m kinda feeling that way… Although it might have something to do with the fact that Mr X has pissed me off again 🤔
One thing that’s clear is that I really do like the pirate. After the ghost bus tour we headed to a nearby pub called the Sherlock or Sherlock Holmes, it’s opposite the Strand, Trafalga Square. The pirate asked me what I wanted to drink and I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, staring and smiling at him like an idiot that I couldn’t think of a drink so I said I’ll have what he’s having… Mistake. It was a bitter ale drink that was awful. Mine didn’t even taste cold, I tried his which was somehow colder and said I was taking his, he laughed and said okay. He could see I was struggling with the taste by the look on my face and offered to get me a different drink but I said it was okay. We talked until the place closed. I was telling him about something that happened when I was doing my masters and he stopped me and said- you have a masters? I said yeah in child psychology and he just stared at me with disbelief and said “how can one person be so beautiful, intelligent, funny and down to earth?”
He kept staring at me after that and I laughed and told him to stop! We also spoke about this documentary about growing up gay, that my friend Noah was on, we spoke about our family. He remembered my parents and siblings names casually using them like he’s known me for ages 🙊 I was impressed. We spoke about weddings we’d been to because he was talking about his sister’s one, it led to us taking about what we wanted ours (not together) to be like.
After we got chucked out-the waitress actually started stacking chairs on top of tables around us and said they were closing and we had to leave lol. We took a walk, arm in arm, around the streets of London and he pretended to be a tour guide, reciting facts about places we had heard on the ghost bus tours. Anyone that knows me, knows I hate walking, but with him I almost didn’t realise how long I was walking for. During the walk he asked if I was cold and gave me his jacket 😩 all I was thinking is can this guy get any sweeter??
We walked to this open area outside of the National Gallery Museum and sat on the edge of the fountain.
I tried to push him into the water a couple times, but I failed lol. We sat and talked for agesss and we spoke about when we’d see each other next. He asked when I was free and I said tomorrow!!! and he laughed. He’s got rehearsal tomorrow and a party/gig thing on Saturday so we may see each other again on Sunday 😍
We stayed mindful of the time so he wouldn’t miss his train again and he made it with 1 minute to spare lol he gave me a quick kiss goodbye and ran for his train. After he left I asked the guy at the station which way was the underground. He proceeded to tell me there were no more trains so I’m like nah it’s cool it’s 24 hours and he said yeah on the weekend 😂🙈 shit! I went and stood at the bus stop for 15mins then said fuck it and booked an uber.
I started writing this in the uber when emotions were high. I really didn’t want to say goodbye to him. For now, as I’m wrapped up in his jacket enjoying the smell of him like the creep I am, I’ll just look forward to the next time I see him.
It’s really refreshing spending time with someone who really doesn’t seem to be playing games. He doesn’t bring up sex at all which makes me think about it even more 🤔 is that his plan? Mind games? Lol but seriously I want to wait with him because I have a feeling when/if we do get there it’s going to be a new experience for me, something really special.
Also, this might be premature, but I deleted Tinder from my phone this morning 👀
-Love, Autumn x