Haven’t heard from Mr X since last Tuesday, today makes it a week. Today he messages me. Just a casual Hey, how you doing? message. Only it doesn’t feel casual. Immediately I start feeling anxious that he’s going to invite me over. If he does what will I say? I’m not ready to tell him about the pirate, it’s still early days with us, but it feels wrong to sleep with Mr X, because of how I feel about the pirate.
I know I don’t owe either of them anything, I’m still single after all. I just have a very strong conscience and I know I’d feel guilty about sleeping with Mr X now. My mum, sister and cousins are all #TeamPirate and have all in their own way said to sack it off with Mr X, but as I’ve said before, he means a lot to me and I still want him in my life, however selfish that may sound.
I think for now, I’ll just say I’m busy right now, which technically is true. I’ve got gym Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday and I’m seeing the pirate Wednesday and Friday. Fully booked this week, I’m afraid. As for next week I have Annual Leave on Monday and the pirate is trying to book the same day off so we can spend the day together, Tuesday is my cousin Summer’s birthday, Wednesday is gym, Thursday and Friday are free, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be seeing the pirate on one of those days.
The point to all this calendar sharing is that I schedule shit in advance and he doesn’t, and we know this about each other and try to make it work when we can. Soo… We’ll see what happens. I know I’ll have to say something to Mr X eventually, but I’ll wait until I feel like I really need to.
Please look at the flow of conversation between me and Mr X it’s weird it feels like he’s trying really hard to make conversation, it feels strained and I’m beginning to wonder if subconsciously I’ve changed our dynamic.
-Love, Autumn x