Mr X asked if he wrote me a letter would I read it.
It’s weird my mum was just telling me how they used to write matters to each other back in the day and how we as a generation don’t do that anymore.
I said of course I’d read it. I’m waiting for it to arrive in the post..
On another note, he wanted to call me again. He promised this would be the last time he made a call like this unless it was something I initiated, I said ok. Mr X pretty much said some of the same stuff he said before about regrets and how he treated me. He spoke about wanting the next person he was with to be his last. Something I remember him saying a while ago. Then asked me if I wanted the same. Of course I’d rather that then to spend more time dating around. He said he could see us being really happy together and asked me if I really could see a future with us. It was a hard question to answer.
I can see it, but doesn’t mean I want it…
He told me he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me, and spoke about the next two years as if he was hinting towards marriage at the end of them. Of course I want to get married, of course I thought about how easy it could be to step into a life that seems paved for you and of course I thought about how much I’ve dreamed of him saying such things to me.
I told him I was happy with the pirate and although things are not certain, I would have so much regret not seeing where things could go with him. Mr X choked up a bit and said so you’d regret missing out on something with him more than something with me? I went silent then I said, it’s hard because youre saying all these things but I don’t believe you- I don’t believe you’ll change.
Also, when speaking to my mum later I said I don’t want someone who has to change for me, because at their core they’ll stay the same and it will resurface. Someone shouldn’t have to change who they are for you.
I was clear about what I wanted and he accepted it, apologised again for the past and said he’ll leave me to it for a while, but asked me to let him know when I recieved his letter. I can’t help but wonder what’s in it.
He said he found something I’d like and he wanted to write a letter because he couldn’t get stuff out over the phone and a text didn’t seem appropriate. He also said there was a bonus page, whatever that means. I’ll have to wait and see, which is hard when you’re as impatient as I am when it comes to this sort of stuff. I’ll let you know when the letter arrives and what’s inside it!
-Love, Autumn x