Waiting for blue skys

I haven’t spoken much about the pirate recently, but things are still going well with us. 

We recently went to a comedy show in Covent Garden- secret comedy club, it was really good and we had a good laugh. We got there late though because we decided to grab a quick bite beforehand and we were chatting away and lost track of time. We were chatting about weddings funnily enough. I was talking about how different my sister and I are, she wants a huge fancy wedding where everyone she knows comes, meanwhile I want a small and intimate affair. I’d rather spend my money on the honeymoon. We spoke about our families- how big/ small they are. I told him I know people will end up feeling hurt they weren’t invited but it’s not about them.

Do you think that’s cold?

I was wondering, when I said it because I really meant it. I know there are people out there who plan for a small wedding and because family members or friends were hurt because they weren’t invited, they ended up with a much bigger guestlist and a wedding that really and truly wasn’t what they envisioned. Not me 🙅🏽 I know what I want and I think that I should be able to have that, unapologetically and If people get hurt and they feel ways in the process then… so be it.

Anyways the pirate agreed that he’d prefer to spend money on the honeymoon. We spoke about wanting the ceremony and reception to be in the same place to avoid having to travel elsewhere afterwards. I said I want the ceremony to be short- walk down the isle, one reading- Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 and our vowes… End of… Let the party begin! He asked me how the sonnet went and was impressed that I could recite it off hand. Then he told me he wanted Ezekiel chapter 25 verse 17 and started quoting Samuel L Jackson’s version from the movie pulp fiction, the lines he says to someone just before he’s about to shoot them 😂 He found it so funny. I told him that’s absolutely not happening, but I couldn’t help smirking. I can’t look at that face of his and keep a straight face 🙈 In the end I looked away and said- like I said Sonnet 116, and he laughed again.

At this point we realised we were late and left the restaurant. While walking to the venue we continued the wedding talk. He said- the big question is, when do you leave for the honeymoon? I said I wanted to party the night away with my family and friends and that I didn’t wanna leave early. He agreed and said he didn’t understand why people would leave before it was finished and also how they could travel after all of that being so tired. He said he’d want to go 3 days later. I was intrigued and asked him why not 2 days later- one day to sleep off the hangover and the next day you’re on the plane. He recons you should spend the next day recovering from the night before, the following day packing for the trip and then fly out on the 3rd day. I laughed and asked him why the suitcases aren’t already packed and he said with all the wedding madness who would have the time. Lol seems he’s put some thought into it 😅 I asked where he wanted to go and he simply said somewhere warm.

Way to narrow it down babe haha👏🏽👏🏽

After the comedy show I got kinda moody because he made me walk for an hour, on a full bladder, to the train station and… There were closer ones!! I’m navigationally challenged so I had no idea where we were going, where the other stations were etc… When we finally reached the station, we said goodbye and hugged for what seemed like forever and when we finally pulled apart, he gave me a peck on the lips and we went our separate ways.

A peck on the lips…

A bloody peck on the lips…



Lol I told him later on that I was annoyed because of the walking and because barely kisses me anymore- like proper deep passionate kisses. If I let my overthinking run wild I’d think he’s losing interest… Wait, let me not act like I haven’t already said that to him 😅 

He’s been having quite a few low days recently and he did seem a little distant so I sent him this:

I don’t want you to be thinking you don’t want to be in this, but you’re not saying anything because you’re worried about hurting my feelings and that’s contributing to anxiety. I’d rather just know if that’s the case.

He replied:

No not at all!!!!!! 😦please don’t feel like it’s anything you’ve done/are doing! It’s not at all!!!!

It’s just me at the moment…I’ll come out of it soon.

I said okay and dropped it. The next day he mentioned he might need to go back to his doctor about his meds. I can tell he’s a bit self conscious about his depression among other things and I think that’s causing him to hold me a little at arms length. So I replied:

Just do whatever you need to do to feel better, whether it’s going back to your doctor or taking some “me time.” I’ll be here however long it takes, how ever many times you feel this way 😘

He thinks I’m amazing for “putting up with him,” but depression is a lot more prevalent than people think! I’ve been there myself. It’s not a reason not to love someone, well not for me anyway. Besides he puts up with so much of my bullshit, he’s sooo good to me, respectful, charming, intillegent, talented, caring, understanding, family orientated… The list goes on really, aaaand he’s gorgeous, even if he doesn’t believe it. He’s a bloody catch!! 

So for now, I’ll be there for him while he’s feeling low and I’ll wait patiently for the blue skys ❤️

-Love, Autumn x


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