Dealing with an absentee pirate has been difficult and in the beginning, I must admit I was a little down myself about it. My mum could tell and she told me- “if you want to talk to Mr X you can you know. You and the pirate aren’t in a relationship and there’s nothing wrong with just talking, men do it all the time.”
I thought hard on what she said. I’ve been missing Mr X like crazy ever since I told him we needed some time for the love and affection to die, which was great advice from Gabrielle. I described Mr X as my emotional anchor once- he makes me really happy, just talking to him and I’m aware that what I’m saying probably should be directed at the pirate now, but we’re talking 2 years vs 2 months… There’s a lot of history there and Mr X was there when I was going through hard times and was depressed myself.
Anyways what I’m getting at is I texted him. I told him I missed talking to him and he said for some reason he knew it was me before he even took his phone out of his pocket. He also said he was just telling his best mate the same thing about missing our chats. Honestly our chats would probably seem quite mundane at times, but there’s a real friendship I feel we built up, behind the sexual relationship we had and that’s what I’m finding hard to walk away from… I think he is too. Don’t get me wrong I’m still #TeamPirate but I know there’s a part of me that still dreams about a future with Mr X.
So we’ve been texting and it quickly brought me out of my funk. He pissed me off a few times saying things like he feels like my fall back plan but I called him out on it and said he was the one who told me to tell him if I ever changed my mind and that he was leaving the door open for me as long as he could!! Hell i’m the one that repeatedly said that’s no life to live and I didn’t want that for him! He apologised after… Too right you’re sorry!! He’s either very calculated in the things he says sometimes or he’s just not using his head! 🤔
But that aside its been pretty much the same old banter just minus the flirting and sexual inuendos. I tagged him in this post on Facebook about this forest in Japan and told him that that’s the kinda thing I know he’d do if he ever went to Japan and he laughed and said yeah because unlike me he doesn’t sit on his ass on holiday 😂 rude little bastard!! I don’t sit on my ass an entire holiday, I do enjoy a sunbathe here and there and I explore a little but I’m just not really into trekking through forests, caves, mountain climbing or stuff like that. Each to their own. We spoke about places we’d like to go, Japan was also on my list, I plan to go with my girls. He made a comment like: so when are we going and I laughed it off and shut it down. I know he was just winding me up so I didn’t think too much on it lol we know how to push each other’s buttons and constantly do.
Sooo birthday plans are to watch a Harry Potter marathon tucked up in bed with some cider. This probably sounds super dull and boring but that’s heaven for me! I’m not going out with the girlsbecause the followinng weekend is Halloween and we go hard for that so I’d rather save my money for a new costume and to driiiiiinkkkk!!! Mr X said it makes him feel sad to think of me at home alone for my birthday and asked if he could take me out, but I said I’d be fine. Before offering, he said he thinks the pirate has something planned because if you’re seeing someone you do something for their birthday you’re not just gonna let it go by… I dunno about that one.
This morning Mr X was asking me about vegan cakes “if you had a vegan cake what would you want in and on it,” which makes me wonder if he’s planning something 🤔 I had this day dream that Mr X turned up at my house on my birthday to give me the cake and say happy birthday… The thing is, so did the pirate…
The thing is, in reality, I wouldn’t have been able to invite either of them inside. My parents are away a lot with work now so it’s just me and my two younger brothers in the house and they are slobs!! Okay so am I, but I tend to keep my mess confined to my bedroom, which honestly looks like a tornado hit it… I’m only mildly ashamed of it though. This weekend I’m going to tackle the mess!! 🙌🏾
But back to my life, I’ve got no idea what’s gonna happen on the 21st. I’d love to be surprised by the pirate, but as I told Mr X, when he said guessed that would happen, things like that just don’t happen to me…
-Love, Autumn x