Two days away and so far there’s no sign that the pirate has any plans for me… didn’t think he did to be honest so it’s not like I’m surprised. As I told Mr X, who thinks he’ll turn up and surprise me, things like that don’t happen to me.
On another note, Mr X seems to have plans for me. We’re not going anywhere as that just doesn’t feel right. He says he’s gonna come round to “drop off my birthday bits” 🤔 he won’t elaborate. Mr X knows he can’t come in, family rules, a guy has to meet the parents before he’s allowed across the threshold. Also, having him in my house doesn’t feel right either. I told him he doesn’t need to do anything for me, but he seems to have already bought stuff, whatever that is…
I was talking to my cousin Neveah about love. I told her I loved both the pirate and Mr X. Straight away she told me I can’t be in love with two people so I corrected her- I love them both, not “in love” with both
I told her I think I’m in love with the pirate but I don’t trust my own feelings. I’m known to fall fast and hard without true depth to my feelings.
I’ve said this from the start- the way I feel about the pirate, I’ve just never felt that way about anyone before. It hurts to know he’s hurting… I’m not gonna mention my feelings to him until he’s more stable and I’m 100% sure though.
Neveah said you can’t just love one part of him though, you have to love the pirate who’s depressed and the one before the depression…. I know they’re two sides of the same coin…. the same person. To truly love the pirate, I know I must love all of him… and I do…< strong>Side note: I’ve been having these awful chest pains, the doctor said I have a throat infection which may be causing it… some GPs in London are ridiculous. You’re in the room for less than 5 mins before they throw some meds at you and send you on your way. Even if I don’t have major plans for my birthday I’d like to be able to breathe completely normally and be pain free for the day, but that’s sod’s law isn’t it.
strong>-Love, Autumn x