This will be a quick post as I’m absolutely knackered it’s almost 2am.
I wasn’t really in the mood to do anything for my birthday yesterday (21st), so I didn’t, I watched tv and movies with my younger brother and drank cider. It was chilled and I enjoyed myself.
I said goodnight to the pirate quite early, the day before my birthday… perhaps I was a little curt, he noticed and messaged me this: I’m so sorry I’ve let you down recently 😔 Then said goodnight.
The petty me, really wanted to let him stew and feel bad, but the me that cares so damn deeply for him, told him I meant it when I said I was all in and that I’d be there even when he was at his lowest. I don’t know if this even is his lowest, but I have no qualms about standing by him no matter how ridiculous it may seem for me to do so.
The pirate messaged me the next morning to wish me a happy birthday and thanking me for being so understanding, but he was having a really off day so as expected I didn’t see him. He seemed upset that I wasn’t doing much for my birthday and wanted me to go out with friends and have fun. I assured him I was fine staying home. Honestly, I have Halloween plans with the girls next weekend and entry alone to the venue is £36 plus my costume which was around £30 that’s already £66 and without me even beginning to think about travel and drinks!!! So I was more than happy to save money and stay in. Next weekend can be a belated birthday celebration merger with Halloween.
Don’tget me wrong of course I would have loved to spend the day with the pirate, but if we went out I probably wouldn’t be spending time with him, but his depression, if you know what I mean. I guess he doesn’t want me to see that side of him right now in the early stages of our non-labelled relationship. Fair enough. I received birthday wishes from his mum and aunt as well, which was really nice. I thanked her and asked how the family is… *cough cough* hows thepirate doing?<<
m pretty sure she was asleep by the time I sent it so I’ll see what she says in the morning.
Before he went to bed, I told the pirate that if he didn’t want me to come to his next gig, it would be okay and reminded him we have tickets to see a band the following day, but he could go with someone else if he wanted to, like his mum. He assured me that wasn’t the case and said no way! To my proposal to give him my ticket. He said if he’s not feeling up for the gig then he’ll give me his ticket and I can see them with a friend, but he’ll definitely come with me if he’s in a good place. He’s been waiting to see this band for agessss! Months before we even met, so that surprised me, I hope he comes. The pirate said “thank you for being so good to me… that’s an understatement but thank you.”
I’m aware that I may sound like the girl who’s the doormat, bending to his every will, but I’m taking mental notes… when he’s feeling better we’ll be having a talk. I still believe that the pirate is one of the good ones. I hope he doesn’t prove me wrong, but I’m willing to take the risk to find out.
Mr X was the first to wish me a happy birthday at 00:00 lol. He also came over to my place to drop off my “birthday bits” as he called them. I told him my plans to watch movies and drink cider so he brought 5 different flavoured ciders over, a bouquet of flowers (the first I have ever received) and he baked a vegan lemon drizzle cake for me!! 😯 I was really touched that he went out of his way like that for me. He really made my day. I invited him in and we sat on the couch and chatted for about an hour and a half. No flirting whatsoever, I actually felt like we were friends (from my point of view). I love Mr X to bits and the ability to sit with him and spend time together without feeling so emotionally drawn to him was nice. At one point I looked at me and realised for me, the intense longing for him and attraction had died. Don’t get me wrong I still long for him to be a part of my life and I know I’d feel lost without him in it, but there was no temptation for me. Mr X left after I gave him the latest season of the walking dead dvd to borrow and I spent the rest of the evening watching movies and drinking.
Yesterday I had sever chest pains and went to the doctor who saw me for like 2-3 mins before saying I have a throat infection (which was not news) and throwing drugs at me… ibuprofen which I could’ve gotten from the pharmacy… it pissed me off… hmm I’m actually wondering if I’ve mentioned this already in my last post 🤔 if I have I’m sorry. The reason I’m bringing it up again is because the pains are back! I did swallow my pride and take 2 ibuprofen a few hours ago, but as I thought I don’t think they’re doing much, if anything. Hopefully they don’t cause a sleepless night!
-Love, Autumn x