That’s right me and the pirate are on a break, but the one envisioned by Rachel not Ross (sorry about the Friends reference if you’ve never seen it).
I think we were both on the same page about this. After seeing him and having a really shitty weekend, he had barely messaged since early Sunday. In truth I knew he’d be pulling away for a while and It was something I was very aware of, but I wasn’t allowing my thoughts to spiral out of control, wondering why, because I already knew.
He was still spending way too much time worrying about how he was affecting me, adding to his own stresses. I can’t explain how shitty it felt to know I was almost like a burden on his own well-being. So after I messaged to ask if he was alright, as I hadn’t heard from him, he said he wasn’t, that his head was all over the place and he’s just felt like keeping to himself.
Funnily enough I was on the phone to my cousin Nevaeh at the time and before he even said that, I told her I think we need a break, more so for him than me, but even though it’s not like we’ve seen each other, it’s the obligatory good morning and how are you messages throughout the day. So when he spoke about keeping to himself, I knew we were on the same page so I sent him this:
It’s okay. I was going to suggest something like that anyway. I could feel you pulling away especially after I said I was feeling sad last weekend. I don’t want you to feel any pressure, worrying about my feelings when you already have so much on. I want you to know my feelings for you haven’t changed at all. I’m just worried that if we don’t take this break, you’re going to end up caught up in how you think everything is affecting me and you’ll end things completely, and that’s the last thing I want. I want to make it clear, I’m not looking for an “out.” I just want you to be able to feel like yourself again and if that means I don’t get to see or talk to you for a while then thats okay. Put Saturday the 23rd Dec into your calendar for us to meet up if you’re feeling better… I hope you are. What do you think? Xx
The pirate responded with:
Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m sorry about all of this…so sorry. I just don’t know what’s up with me. Thank you for being so understanding…more so than I deserve. Yeah that sounds good to me Xx
You don’t need to be sorry, I know you’re a genuinely selfless and caring person. You do deserve it and you’re worth the wait. Take care Pirate 😘❤️
I haven’t cried, nor do I feel the overwhelming sadness one gets when the relationship with the person you love comes to an end, because I really don’t feel like it has. I’m just hopeful this will help him start to feel like himself again. I also feel motivated to work on my own shit. I’ve been working on my book of poems, which is almost finished now. Hopefully it’ll be completely done by Christmas and I can start thinking about publishing. Meanwhile, I’ve been fighting through my writers block and started working on my novel again… chapter 18 🙌🏽 I’m thinking it’ll have 22-24 chapters so not too many to go now and based on the story line I know that’ll be enough.
If I keep myself busy I think I’ll be okay. At least I hope so. I know the people in my life want me to be happy and in love and having a great time with someone special. I know that some even wish I was out there dating someone new, but I’ve never felt this sure about someone before. I know the feelings I have are real and I know that the pirate is someone I can see myself with in the future… believe it or not. If I’m wrong then I’m wrong, but until then I’ll keep the faith 😊
-Love, Autumn x