Getting back on the dating horse

Today, I decided enough is enough, I need to get back out there!

First, I reinstalled Tinder and read through my old messages with the pirate… again. The first conversation we had was full of pirate lingo, which is how he got his name. I miss how I felt in the beginning… but it’s time to move on.

I knew I wanted to delete my account and start over fresh, I just didn’t want to delete the convo with him. I looked through a few of my unread messages and saw that some guy had sent me a GIF of two people having sex… ๐Ÿ˜’ All I could think was Ahh so this is how Tinder welcomes me back!!

A few other guys had sent me messages but no one I was interested in so I looked at the pirate’s profile one last time then deleted the account and started over. I felt a small sense of loss which in hindsight is silly as he’s still in my life and we’ve got future plans to hang out “soon” and more concrete plans like tickets to see “The Grinning Man” in theatre in February and “Queens of The Stone Age” at a music festival in June. Plus I told him I’d be coming to a few of his gigs, which he said he was happy about.

I can’t help but wonder: Am I being cruel to myself? I know I still have feelings for him, yet I have him in my life in a way that may make it difficult for me to get over him. I haven’t seen him in months and there’s a part of me that wonders what I’ll feel when I see him next. It’s partly why I went to see Mr X after V fest. It’s one believing you can put feelings aside and just be friends with someone you once cared for intimately, but I personally don’t think you can’t know for sure until you’re face to face with that person.

When I was face to face with Mr X and we kissed, I realised we could be “just friends.” I’m not saying I plan to kiss the pirate, to know for sure, because I don’t, I’m just saying deep down I know that after spending an evening with him, I’ll know if I have what it takes to put my feelings aside and hang out as “just friends.”

I’m not expecting to see him and not to feel anything, that’s not what I mean at all. Its hard to explain and I feel like I’m rambling a bit. I just want to feel comfortable around him in a way where my heart isn’t completely aching.

Back to Tinder, my heart isn’t exactly in it, but I’m hoping I meet someone who helps take my mind off the pirate. It’s funny I had that same hope about Mr X and met the Pirate, maybe such good fortune will strike again.

Stay tuned ๐Ÿ˜‰

-Love, Autumn x

15 comments

  1. L. Rorschach · 13 Days Ago

    I’m glad you’re going to get out there again! I read something not long ago that said psychologists agree that dating is a good way to heal a broken heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    • autumnsinnerthoughts · 13 Days Ago

      Yeah, thatโ€™s my area of work haha so I know that what will be best for me is pushing myself to get back out there. For some people, taking time to sit back and reflect is needed, but I have complete closure in the sense that I know why it didnโ€™t work out (his depression). ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

  2. empathy75 · 13 Days Ago

    I am sorry and I can see that you are losing faith on love. I am sorry for that. I want to assure you that there are lots of guys who are committed, loyal and caring. You just haven’t met a guy yet. And to find those quality in guys, please focus on ordinary and normal. These seemingly ordinary and boring guys are the ones who bring stability to our life. ( sorry if I sound harsh. I am concerned because you sound like a very good girl. I am sure one day, you will find a suitable person )

    Liked by 1 person

    • autumnsinnerthoughts · 13 Days Ago

      Aww thank you for saying that. Itโ€™s funny because I thought both Mr X and The pirate are ordinary but it turns out maybe not so much eh? The thought of stability sounds great, but of course Iโ€™d want some spontaneity and romance in there too ๐Ÿ˜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Miiesche · 13 Days Ago

    I’m so glad that you’re getting there! If you want you can have a read on one of my old posts here http://goo.gl/2UDfPX it might help you a bit even though I’m no life coach ๐Ÿ˜‚
    I just want you to know that it will definitely get better! You will find someone who will appreciate the love yoy have and make your heart bounce again! Until there: happy swiping! ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™ I might install it again as well..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miiesche · 7 Days Ago

      I’ve nominated you, Autumn โ™ก

      Liked by 1 person

      • autumnsinnerthoughts · 7 Days Ago

        Nominated me for what? Lol

        Like

      • Miiesche · 7 Days Ago

        Oh shit sorry ahaha for The Mystery Blogger Award

        Liked by 1 person

      • autumnsinnerthoughts · 7 Days Ago

        Thanks thatโ€™s soo sweet and Iโ€™m honoured! I hope you wonโ€™t be offended that I donโ€™t follow the rules of nomination, itโ€™s just that writing is therapeutic for me, and the thought of trying to find 10-20 people to nominate just makes me feel anxious ๐Ÿ™ˆ which as you can see from my posts is an issue for me right now. Congratulations on your own nomination though and good luck I hope you win! Thanks again for thinking of me๐Ÿ˜Š

        Like

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