Wrapping up an emotional weekend

So, I didn’t respond to the long text from Mr X pretty much stepping out of my life. I was spending the evening at my cousins for a games night and was upset already without entering into a back and forth with him that I felt wouldn’t change anything. Also, I knew I didn’t have anything positive to say to him. I was taught that if you don’t have anything good to say don’t say anything at all.

What I would’ve said is:

  • I deserve better than someone who only seems to want me when someone else has shown interest
  • I deserve better than someone who makes it seem like such an effort to spend time with me
  • And I deserve better than someone who doesn’t truly want the same things as me (kids)- more on this later.
  • I deserve to be happy

The next day, I received a WhatsApp message from him saying- I know you’re probably angry but can you at least let me know you received my text.

At this point I was still trying to maintain composure and remain calm, but he was pissing me off. Send your message and leave me alone! I simply relied with a 👍🏽

Mr X: After all that time that’s all you got. Take care Autumn, speak later X

Umm… speak later? What about what you said yesterday? See how he likes to try and mess with my head 🙄 I think he keeps forgetting who he’s talking to.

Me: I don’t know what you want from me and what you expect me to say! Reading that yesterday really upset me and I don’t want to spend my whole weekend feeling upset so I’d rather not get into this. I never wanted to lose you as a friend, but you’ve gotta do what’s best for you and if that’s not talking to me anymore then that’s that. Bye Mr X, take care x

As you can see, I took the high road, sent a positive message and I thought that would be that…

Mr X: I cried like a girl when I sent that,it wasn’t something I wanted to do and I don’t wanna lose you as a friend but you said you don’t want it getting complicated and to not do that I can’t speak to you daily and meet up with you. You are one of my best friends I love you dearly that’s why I need to step away,I really hope you understand all of that because it’s not anger or anything causing me to do this but the fact that I care about you so much,I’m gonna be lost without you but I can’t see any other way round it. You asked me for 3 months of no speaking once and right now I need time to deal with this. I hope to speak to you in the future and just be friends but I struggle looking at you like that after how iv thought and felt for you. I’m sorry to upset you I really am,iv done it to much. I love you to pieces and wonder if you believe that sometimes but I do. Try enjoy your weekend Autumn X X X

Sighhhhh…. I promise you I’m not a cold person at all!

I’m not mad at him, I never was, and like I said I understand why he feels he needs to step away. I completely get it, but he’s manipulative and I don’t know if that’s how his messages read to other people.

I said I didn’t want to complicate things only because he started talking about not wanting things to end up how they were with the pirate when he was crying “like a bitch” (his words). So I said, okay let’s keep it simple then, we’ll just be friends. Then he started talking about how it’s not that easy. I was always clear with him I’m not going to stop dating. I want to find someone I can have a life with who wants the same things as I do and kids is number 1 on the list it’s a deal breaker for me.

Remember Mr X didn’t want kids, then said he would have them with me. Then said he wants them now, then after I chose the pirate, he didn’t want them anymore… no! To me it sounds like he would’ve tried to get on board with the idea for me, but I don’t want that. I want someone who is as excited about having kids (someday) as I am! Who wants them himself not just because I do. I grew up with several siblings and remember how great it was and I want that for my own kids.

But enough kid talk from the girl who doesn’t even have a boyfriend lol 😂😂

I’m okay now, I’m not feeling as upset over the whole thing. Mr X liked something I posted on Facebook, which annoyed me a little, but I ignored it. I heard back from Island boy, which pretty much made my entire weekend. I’m looking forward to seeing him when he gets back. I actually missed him while he was away what the hell is wrong with me? 🙈 I fought the urge to tell him I missed him so I’m pretty proud of myself and I think I’ll just blame all these emotions on my period… yep that feels damn good lol

Umm the pirate has been engaging in very spotty small talk, which is irritating me a little. He’ll say something, I’ll reply and I won’t get a reply til the next day, if that. I have a pet peeve about people who read my messages and don’t reply or reply agesss later when they’ve been off and online all day. I’d rather you just not talk to me at all. I’m honestly not sure what he wants, the only reason I’m not calling him out on his messaging, is because of his depression. I don’t know how he’s doing with all of that at the moment and I don’t wanna upset him as he gets worried, anxious and feels guilty at the smallest of stuff.

I’ll be spending the rest of my Sunday, cleaning and watching TV on my laptop and I’m actually looking forward to it.

Have a great weekend!😊

-Love, Autumn x


  1. notyouraveragegirl363042 · January 28

    My experience has taught me that if you have something to say, you say it. I was the same as you, carefully guarded my words against saying anything negative. Always give the benefit of the doubt. But it does you a disservice and I would rather know what’s on someone’s mind than have to go through the long silences I keep experiencing. So I make sure when it’s appropriate, I say what I think. Mr X clearly wanted to know what you were really thinking good or bad. He wanted to be faced with it. Some people really want to hear the truth. My ex was the same. He would get more angry when I didn’t speak honestly than when I tried to play it nice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • autumnsinnerthoughts · January 28

      Hmm that does sound like him if I’m being honest. He always complained that I’d get mad but never say why. I’ve always had trouble expressing how I feel to guys, but it’s something I’m trying to work on. I just want to close that door now, without getting into a big conversation about things


  2. L. Rorschach · January 28

    I think you should tell Mr X everything you’ve written here… i.e. 1) that it feels to you like he only wants to be with you when you’re happily dating someone else and 2) that you want to be with someone who definitely wants kids (and not just to appease you).

    I think you need to decide how to proceed together but if he ultimately can’t handle just being friends, then it sounds like he needs to move on however he can.

    I’m sorry – it sucks. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • autumnsinnerthoughts · January 28

      😩 I knoooow you’re right sighh
      I don’t really feel like getting into it with but it would be a cleaner break if I said everything I was feeling for once
      Thanks, I’ll do a short post about how the chat goes

      Liked by 1 person

  3. geminilvr · January 28

    If he’s manipulative with you I don’t see the point in having to explain yourself to him anymore. He should by now know what you want and respect that – he needs to change his behavior and realize that he was the problem. I don’t know maybe it’s just me but I feel like you put enough effort in and don’t need to explain anything else to him at this point and will he be honest back anyway or manipulate his answers to you further?

    Liked by 1 person

    • autumnsinnerthoughts · January 28

      You’re spot on about him and this is why I know it would never work between us. In the end, I did explain myself a little more, but after this, I don’t feel the need to. Because I get the sense he will try to manipulate me again


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