The darkest thoughts come to me when I am alone,
Sometimes when I’m lonely or just missing home.
Sometimes when I feel like my hearts ripped in two,
Sometimes when I’m troubled and know not what to do.
When dark thoughts come over, they don’t knock at the door,
To announce they are here, what would they do that for?
No, they are sneaky, some deadly, some vain,
Some point the finger, accuse you, place blame.
Dark thoughts like to settle, and once they are inside,
The deepest dark crevice is where they like to hide.
And when you least expect it they come out to play,
Affecting your actions and things that you say.
But what thoughts are these?
Thoughts like, how much food do I need to survive?
If I stop eating now, how much time ‘til I die?
How many days ‘til I wither away?
Curled up as tightly as a bale of hay.
Thoughts like how it feels when you’re fighting to breathe,
Holding your breath ‘til you splutter and wheeze.
Drowning in water, that’s too rocky to fight,
Choking and coughing with all of your might.
Thoughts like how it feels when you’ve given up hope,
Your mind has been shattered and you cannot cope.
When love’s dark embrace sends you out on a ledge,
Fighting your feelings ‘til you’re pushed off the edge.
Thoughts like what if my whole life is a lie?
Thoughts like will I be relieved if I die?
Thoughts like will my suffering ever subside?
Thoughts like how one runs when there’s nowhere to hide.
The darkest thoughts come to me, when I am alone,
And behind my silence, they howl and they moan.
So many dark thoughts, they block out the light,
When they take over, it’s never a fair fight.
This is a poem I wrote a while back, before all the stuff with the pirate. I was compiling a lot of my poetry together into a book and realised how dark a lot of it was. To be fair my family have always commented on how dark it can be, but anyways I came up with the idea to call the book “Dark Thoughts.” It was then that I had the urge to write something to highlight the true nature of the book and came up with this.
-Love, Autumn x