I know I haven’t spoken much about the pirate for a while. Truth is Saturday will be two weeks since I’ve seen him, the longest we’ve been apart so far. He had to work overtime last week which meant days that ended at 8/8:30 usually the time we meet up. However our rate of communication has stayed the same which was reassuring 😊
Last night we spent over 2 hours on the phone 😍 I could’ve easily stayed talking to him for another 2 hours but it was pushing 12am and we both had work the next day. He called me because I said I was upset with him because when I said it will be two weeks since we’ve seen each other he goes- oh is it? I think you’re right, it wasn’t last Saturday was it? It was the one before!! 😦
So I replied- That’s means you don’t miss me then because you don’t realise how long it’s been!!
Pirate- noooooo!! It’s not that, I just didn’t realise blah blah blah
Lol please bear in mind I wasnt genuinely upset by this, I did feel a little ways about it but I chalked it up to him being a man (no offence to any of my male readers).
So he called me and I said you don’t miss me and you still haven’t even said you do miss me to clear things up. So he says he misses me and I reply hmm seems forced now, it doesn’t feel genuine. He starts laughing and says he knew I was gonna say something like that, and I start laughing too because it’s feels nice to know he’s really starting to get me.
Then I started talking to him like we were in a meeting because I had a few things that were bothering me about him. No lie, he goes why do I feel like I’ve just stepped into a meeting? I laughed and told him he had, then upped all the meeting style talk. Talking about my agenda and acting like there was someone scribing/ taking notes etc…
The 3 things on the agenda were
- Him saying he misses me
- Quality Time
Say you miss me dammit
All I wanted here was for him to say it more. He will always say he misses me too! But he won’t initiate it. I know this probably sounds so silly, but I shared my love language with him and reminded him that my main ones were words of affirmation and quality time. I need to feel missed and cared for and words do that for me! I am very aware that actions speak louder than words, but there’s something about seeing the words I miss you on my cracked phone screen that I know will make my heart soar.
I told him that when he doesn’t say it, it makes me feel like he doesn’t really miss me at all.
His response- okay, I hear what you’re saying completely and understand why you would feel that way
Meanwhile I’m thinking aww 😊 and smiling into the phone thinking he’s handling all of this so well, he’s so sweet! Then he finishes his sentence..
But that’s bull shit!
I tried very hard not to laugh and replied 🤔 hmm interesting view, would you care to elaborate on the word bullshit?
He said nope! So I said okay then will you please strike the word bull shit from the record (speaking to the imaginary person writing notes). He laughed at this and I moved on to the second item. At this point he didn’t know there were only three things and was like oh God there’s more? How many of these are there? When I said 2 more he said okay and I moved on.
Quality time is his main love language and my joint main, alongside words of affirmation. I acknowledged that I understood why we couldn’t see each other last week and I enjoy that we usually spend a fair amount of time with each other. I also said I’d spend every day together if I could, this is not news to him I’ve said this before and he usually says some form of me too. The aspect of quality time I wanted to address with him was the initiation of dates/ meet ups. For me to see him we don’t have to even do anything. We could meet up at the park and sit and talk for hours and that’s it, I’d be happy with that. I know he doesn’t earn much and I’m not materialistic at all so I don’t need to be out there doing expensive things on a regular. He’s so sweet because he’ll still want to pay for stuff and he said he wants to take me to the theatre when he gets his money sorted. I just want to spend time with him, that’s all I need.
So back to the iniation part of quality time. I told him that I’ve initiated almost all our meet ups and he used the colourful bullshit word again. I told him that when I have to initiate all the time it makes me feel as though he doesn’t want to see me as much as I want to see him. Again he said he understood why I would feel this way but of course it’s not true aka bullshit.
To be fair, before this chat he initiated our next date this weekend- He’s taking me to an art museum and then out for dinner! More on that after the date.
The finale item on the agenda!!!
When I first started talking about the pirate, I spoke of his passionate kisses. When I last spoke of him, I spoke of his unacceptable pecks! I want and need passion!! I know some people are just not big on PDA and I would totally understand that… Or at least try to be understanding while sulking in the private of my own room, but he started out engaged in quite high levels of PDA. I mean he’s copped a feel plenty of times before lol I had to be like whoaa 🙅🏽 and I actually do this emoji’s actions in real life! It always makes him laugh because I use it so much in our chats too.
I told him that the fact that he doesn’t kiss me like that makes me wonder if somethings changed. Then I got a little extra and said it makes me feel like you don’t like me as much anymore or maybe there’s a reason you don’t want to kiss me in public, maybe you don’t want anyone to see us, maybe you’re ashamed of me!
He didn’t entertain me at all and his response was pretty much the same for the previous two items in the agenda. He said he didn’t realise he was doing anything differently and I left it at that.
I told him the meeting was drawing to a close and expressed what a lovely chat I thought we had and he laughed and said lovely? I feel like I’ve just gotten a real bollocking! I couldn’t help but laugh too, but then I regained my compare and asked him to fill out the questionnaire on his way out. He was like oh God there’s more? I laughed and said it was only one question.
How much do you like me on a scale of 1-10?
He immediately said 10, and I told him he couldn’t say 10 because he wasn’t really at a 10. The reason I said this is that although we are exclusive we are not in a relationship and I felt like if he was at a 10 we would be. I didn’t bring this up because I told him I wasn’t going to rush him into a relationship knowing his ex did that then left him a few months later which broke his heart.
He said okay fine 3, I laughed and said Nooo! So he said okay fine 8, no 9.2.
I told him to take the questionnaire home and take some time to think abouthis answer because he wasn’t taking it seriously, so he said he was but I wouldn’t let him score what he wanted to, which was a 10. I told him I was at a 10 but he wasn’t and he wanted to know why I could say 10 but he couldn’t, so I said it was because I’m all in and he’s not. He immediately said that isn’t true, and that he’s all in too and again I thought to myself, how can you be all in, but not want me to be your girlfriend?
I left it at that and said I didn’t think he was really all in yet and that was totally fine and said goodnight. I felt bad an hour later and texted him:
Me- I’m sorryyyy, I shouldn’t have said what I said at the end of the meeting, making out like I’m all in and you’re not. I guess I just felt strongly that you weren’t at a “10” even though I 100% am…
Me- Anyways hope you sleep well, night 😘
Pirate- No worries at all…I am at a 10 though. Yeah sleep well too, night you 😘😘
No love lost there! 😊
Before our little meeting I mentioned something else that had been bothering me. I said I felt like he compared us to what he had with his ex, in the sense that its started off pretty intense with us in the same way. I told him I wonder if he fears we’ll go down the same trajectory as they did. He denied it completely which led us to talking about exes giving me the perfect excuse to tell him about Mr X without it being a big conversation. He took it well and understood it must have been difficult for me.
More and more I’m seeing how lucky I am to have met him. I know I’ve said it before but I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before. I think I might be falling in love…
-Love, Autumn x